It's a ..........

Well now that I actually got you to my blog. I feel the need to write something super insightful before I announce which color bow we'll be having. Unfortunately, I didn't really have a topic in mind for today's post....

I sometimes come on here just to let creative juices flow, other times I'm peeved about something and there are also times I'm genuinely asking for help from those more experience than me. Today is a creative juices day.

I've been letting things in my life unfold again. I promised my midwives I would not move this pregnancy and it's looking like I may have to break this promise. As much as I really don't want to move right now it's looking so desirable on so many fronts. We are looking at purchasing a house with my hubby's parents since they are looking to move into town. We can't afford our current house/mortgage and they can't seem to find a space they can afford on their own so both families would benefit. I found a beautiful house where we'd each have our own floor and plenty of space in an affordable price range for us. We're all going to look at it tomorrow and here's hoping everyone's on board. The only thing I was worried about was selling our house and a possible huge pre-payment penalty on our mortgage. Luckily, it's not huge and we've already thought of a few possible people who may want to buy it. The universe is giving us a lot of signs, it's time to move. I guess because I have been asking for more money with no more work by me considering I want to take another year of maternity (unpaid of course since I've accumulated no EI). So I'm paying attention to these signs. You can't always get what you want in a work-free, silver lined platter, sometimes you have to look a little deeper into your circumstances to see how the universe is trying to help you. I'll keep you posted!

Other than body aches and still some tiredness, I feel great. I'm so happy to be pregnant. I've been getting some more cravings here and there which make me grumpy when I can't indulge but that's ok. I'm definitely tired of living off an allowance, especially in the summer. There are so many things we'd like to do, and so many evenings where I just plain don't want to cook, dammit! Character building I suppose.

Ok I will not hold you in suspense any longer. Eli is going to have a little brother. Yup another little winky on the way for this family :D I was kind of suspicious since my first ultrasound but still held some hope it was a girl. Don't get me wrong I'm not disappointed, it's just I really do want one of each and that would have assured us one of each. I'm delighted to raise to boys so close age. And I really did want two boys and a girl. And at the beginning of this pregnancy I told Justin, this is not my last pregnancy, I can't stop at two, so we are not planning on three JUST because we have two boys, I'm just not done having kids yet.

It's driven off some of my cravings to shop for more clothes. I do want a pair of padraig slippers for the new babe since Eli will still fit his this winter since we bought them so large. And I would like him to have his own first outfit. I thought about putting him Eli's "going home from the hospital" outfit as his first, though hopefully he'll be born at home, but then I realized I wanted to hand that down to Eli to give to his kids, and so the new baby we'll need his own first outfit to hand down. But overall, it'll be nice to use mostly the same clothes (they'll be about 3 months off so hopefully they will all fit at the right times of year). We'll see I guess. Very exciting stuff!

The Family Bed

Hello again. Another crummy, rainy summer day in Penticton brings me to my blog today. We have been having an unusually sucky summer this year. But anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about the family bed. Mainly because it seems to be everyone's favorite question lately: what are you going to do when the new baby comes because you co-sleep?

I love co-sleeping. It allows so many things, easy nursing and more sleep in the early months, and as the child gets older it allows longer periods waking up in bed because baby has you right there and doesn't wake up alone and immediately want out of his crib. Also closeness if I've had to be away for a large part of the day, lots of hugs and cuddles readily available.

It comes with a few drawbacks of course. Eli does not sleep as long (hour tops usually) on his own, which can make naps a challenge. And I have such a small portion of the bed when I wake up in the morning which has become increasingly more apparent as I get larger and more uncomfortable in this pregnancy.

Still I'm not sure I feel ready to give it up.

It definitely feels like the time to start transitioning Eli if we are ever going to do it. We still have at least 3 months before baby arrives which should be sufficient time to wean him into a bed.

I would love to continue to co-sleep actually, the family bed I find quite satisfying and comfortable, but I have a few concerns. I'm concerned Eli won't give up his spot in the middle of the bed because ideally he should sleep on the other side of Dad so I can switch baby back and forth from side to side depending on which side needs nursing. It seems only my hair puts him back to sleep and the night spent away from him he and Dad did not fair as best they could on the sleep front. But my main concern is the new baby waking Eli up and him getting poor sleeps and being cranky all day. Eli is such a concerned child as it is and usually cries when other kids cry.

I have a plan on how I will wean Eli to a bed. A bed in our room to start and keep putting him back when he falls asleep, though that to me seems tedious and like less sleep which I really don't need right now. Then when he's used to that we move him just out into our "nook" which with our bedroom door open is pretty much just a continuation of our room so he'd even be able to see us still. The problem with this is, he'd still be able to hear baby cry no doubt. But our other bedroom options are on the other end of the house and that is too far away.

Now here are my possible plans to continue co-sleeping. #1: Get a bassinet for baby, though I would still have to wake up to bring baby into bed and manage to remember to put baby back when they are done eating which with Eli could be up to 45 minutes in the beginning. #2: Use the crib as a side car to the bed for the baby but then again on one side I would have to stay awake to put baby back on the correct side when done eating.

#3: Poses the same problem as #2 but involves buying a twin bed to put next to me so Eli can be on that side of me but then I'd just have to remember to put baby back on the opposite side. #4: Requires a little more work with adding a twin next to Dad's side of the bed because then Eli would have to get used to sleeping just next to Dad.

What do you think? Anyone have any experiences to share with me?

We are so blessed

Normally Extreme Home Makeover is not a show I like to watch. My parents both really like it and yesterday when we were over at my parents and Eli was asleep on me on the couch, I traded the right to veto watching Extreme Home Makeover in exchange for two of my mom's ginger snap cookies. Now the cookies were excellent but I have to say watching this particular episode really changed a part of me for the better.

I'll give you a little backstory on how my mood has been lately just to give you an idea the size of my epiphany. I have been depressed, especially with regard to money. I've been back at work 8-15 hours a week to help out during the busy summer conveyancing. I've been really tired too so some days have been a struggle to be super mom, you know her right? The mom that can literally do everything, go to work and come home with enough energy to cook, clean and play with her kids. Ok I wasn't even getting close to super mom, I'll be honest.

But upon looking at our budget for the month I realized I actually don't know how we would have paid our bills this month if I hadn't been working. Our money situation is so odd, I do the budget and I know exactly how much money is coming in and out and it's the same every month and yet some months we have more and this month we were not even close to making it. I did August's numbers and at one point we are -$941. Yup in the red for almost a thousand dollars. And I'm not able to use our savings and pay it back later like I usually do because we had to pay our property taxes... bye bye savings!

So we've been discussing options, maybe renting our house and renting ourselves something cheaper, discontinuing my cell phone, cutting internet, maybe getting Justin's parents to buy our house. Basically any way to cut back. And our food budget is already just $80 a week and it's not stretching out to how much fresh beautiful produce we want to buy at the farmer's market so that's been feeling depressing. Then our friends will want to all order pizza and we either come on charity or don't go. And forget about those nights that I don't want to cook, eating out isn't in the budget. As for personal money we both get $20 a week and I'm so torn whether to get a latte or try and save for something bigger. So basically just feeling really sorry for myself and our situation.

So this week on Extreme Home Makeover they made over a family home of a family who had less in their pantry than we do (and we don't have much) and had basically an unlivable home (ie heat only in one room). If that's not enough to make you feel blessed this family feeds 1200 kids a day from their kitchen because these children are going hungry otherwise. Their living room furniture they gave away to someone who needed it not that it matters because their living room is overrun with donation boxes of clothes, toys, etc.

One word comes to mind and has been such a strong theme for me this past week: compassion. I need to have more of it. I need to bring more of it into my life. I literally NEED to. I'm so drawn to helping and it's not too surprising considering the first name of my spiritual name is seva or selfless service. I just feel overwhelmed where to even begin. Volunteer? Start a new initiative? I am already quite overwhelmed with my own responsibilities so I think the key is just little things to start. Fortunately this coming Saturday I get to be apart of something really special at the yoga studio I teach at Purple Lotus Yoga. They are having a "Yoga of Compassion" workshop and all the teachers get to teach for about 15 minutes out of a two hour workshop and it's all by donation to a family that really needs the help. I think that is the key to being successful in life, compassion. Money doesn't measure your greatness or happiness it's how you spend your time, your actions of compassion to others. Just another lesson from the universe to just trust that as long as I am doing things that feel right to my heart and my soul, I will be taken care of.

How are you feeling blessed today?

Feeling hot... hot... hot at 122 days

Two extremely busy months have passed. But the funny part is that it's now officially summer, by the thermometers at least, and I pretty much have no more plans. It's kind of spectacular. Generally I have a busy July but this time June took the brunt of it for some reason. So now I am assisting at a yoga camp for mornings of the first week in August and other than that our yearly PNE trip. Oh and of course September long weekend which doesn't always seem like summer to me but really is we are doing another Lumby Kundalini Yoga Immersion. I'm not sure if I mentioned it before on here but we went to one in June and words cannot express how amazing it was. To be surrounded with 20 other yogis one of which is your husband and another which is your son is just priceless. We just took turns watching him and doing yoga and when we watched Eli we had naps on the lawn next to our tent and looked for squirrels. Next time I'll be sure to bring all our bathing suits for the salt water pool. It's always so hard to leave though, I have such a desire to live with people who have the same lifestyle and values as me.

So my other Eli news is that he is climbing EVERYTHING! I come into the room and he is on the top of the couch trying to reach pictures hung on the wall or he's crawling across the dining room table. What a monkey! Oh and I spent my first night away from him. It was tough but we worked through it! Once he was weaned it was only a matter of time before we needed to at least try. And I had a teacher training full weekend for once so i decided to just go for it. He was sick and teething though so didn't handle it the best he could and I was a little lonely and sad not to be woken up to his smiley face.

Onto baby #2. Yesterday was our 120 day celebration (which was actually at 121 days but who's counting). So in Kundalini Yoga at 120 days past conception the soul is fixed in the body. It starts to be subject to the forces of the earth and the energy of the parents. This is also when the mother can start reformatting the baby's karma and start forming the personality of the child even. Big day! It also means that this upcoming Friday I'm at 20 weeks, what many people call the official half way point.

On to some other interesting facts about this pregnancy. I felt my first kick at 1 day shy of 14 weeks, very early but it was definitely a kick. I was laughing so hard at the movie Bridesmaids that baby decided to give me a boot. We heard the heartbeat the next day for the first time which was awesome. The first time Justin felt the baby kick was last week I believe so just over 18 weeks. It's again a very active baby, lots of kicking and rolling over. I have another ultrasound tomorrow and I'm going to see if they will tell me the gender, you never know. I am very certain I want to know, I don't think it will ruin anything for me. Instead I think it will increase the bond in the last half of my pregnancy and especially just after birth. They are not supposed to tell you in town though so I may have troubles finding out.

The only other weird things are that I keep gaining and losing the same couple of pounds so I've really had no weight gain to date at the half way point. I think I'm likely just not eating enough but I'm keeping a food diary and we'll see what my midwives have to say at my next appointment.

I've also been much more tired this time around. I think lately though it's because I also have many more body aches. Past about 4am I have so much trouble finding a comfortable position to sleep in that I end up tossing and turning a lot. My hips and back are just not happy with me.

Ok so I've covered the basics the only other thing to report is I've been working here and there in an office environment just to make a little extra money. It's 8 hours a week and a nice break getting out of the house but not having to miss too much time with my little man. And the veggies and fruits at the Farmer's Market are finally beginning to show up at Farmer's Market so I'm finding myself back in the kitchen and excited about it! I bought a bunch of tiny zucchini's and just sauteed them in sesame oil and garlic, added a few green onions and fresh peas and served over quinoa for dinner with a plate of fresh cucumber and tomato slices on the side. Delicious! Also I've been finding the best strawberries lately, I'm so addicted!!

Well I think it's time for me to start tossing and turning, I mean sleeping, so I will bid you goodnight! Looking forward to posting again soon!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day all you beautiful special Mother's out there! And especially Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful Mother! You are seriously the best Mother I could ever ask for and every day you help me and teach me and inspire me. I am so blessed!

I had yet another wonderful reminder of how trusting the universe brings the most amazing, perfect results to your life. On Thursday it was my 2nd week in a row with only one attendee at my yoga class. I partial blame the sun but I mostly blame HOCKEY! Why oh why does there always have to be a Canucks playoff game the nights I teach yoga? Isn't it supposed to be every 2nd day? I am going to get a little off topic by saying I do not have to like hockey in order to be Canadian. As far as I'm concerned you are more than welcome to love or hate hockey, it makes no difference to patriotism or how much I like you as a person. Back to yoga! So I talked with my boss I guess? She's the one who coordinates all the classes. And we mutually decided that as of May long weekend my class is no more. We will revisit in fall but I will be quite pregnant by then so I doubt I will want to be starting up a class I can't see through. So I was sad that was ending up I was not in the least bit worried letting it go.

So then yesterday was the first Farmer's Market of the season! YAY! And the owner of Purple Lotus studio who I have been subbing for off and on approaches me and asks me if I would like to start up a class there in June. Closing a door opens a new one! Never be afraid to close a door! You'll know if it's not working and if it's not then close that door. Another one is just waiting to be opened!

So again Happy Mother's Day! I am so blessed to be a Mommy! And my favorite part is my morning cuddles with my little guy when he's all smiley and snuggly. What's your favorite thing about being a Mom?

Writing for money

A good friend of mine emailed me about a month or two ago about my job troubles. She gave me some really good advice, she said I love reading your blog, you're a really good writer, have you thought about trying to write for a living? And I had, back in elementary school and middle school. Well more in middle school I guess seeing as though in elementary school I just assumed "what you wanted to be when you grew up" was more for the fun of it than to make money. But I even wrote Writer under Future Occupation in my Grade 10 year book. But as soon as I got into college and got into the world of writing papers and having no idea where this degree was heading I suppose I lost sight of my love for writing.

So I am pleased to announce that after a chance encounter once and one email sent, so very, very little effort on my part, I am having an article published in the newest Okanagan magazine called Next. It's all about sustainability centred in the Okanagan. So I pitched an article about Cloth Diapers and they loved it. If this goes well I'm thinking of asking if they would like a regular "Green Mom" column because I would be happy to do that. I have no shortage of ideas for columns. If Mothering magazine was around still I would maybe pitch an article to them too. I was also thinking local newspapers could use a Mom column, but we'll see how this venture goes first.

My other news is my facebook break. Maybe it was the energy spent Green Campaigning, maybe it's Stanley Cup Playoffs and the play by plays of the game that get posted on my news feed (just so ya know, if I wanted to know everything that happened in the game I would just watch it), at any rate I felt done with facebook. I think overall it was just how I seem to get lost in facebook. I use it as an escape from things I don't want to be present for, especially, for instance, a cranky child. So as of Tuesday I went on an indefinite length facebook break. I'm not saying I will make it further than my longest break of 8 days but I'm also not saying that I ever will return. We'll see how it goes. I know having two kids right now I'm noticing the extra time I have from being off facebook. I know this will be very valuable once I have this second baby. And until then I'm going to use the extra time to work on my yoga homework and lesson plans that I would like to get in before I have this baby. Then I only have my practical exam, written exam and thesis specialty project. Ok that still sounds like a lot but at least I will have my 10 lesson plans done.

I've encouraged people to email me and use the telephone. Who knows if they will, I did get a phone call today actually! Well two one from Erin about the park which was just too difficult with two babes and one from Please Mum offering me a job. It may surprise most to hear that I declined the job, but I doubt it would surprise those who know me best. They wanted me to work every Saturday morning during farmer's market and then maybe two other shifts during the week so probably under 10 hours a week total. I'm not giving up my precious farmer's market family time every single week. I'm not looking for a job but if the right job is looking for me I'm sure I will accept it.

Tomorrow is my husband and I's 5th Wedding Anniversary. I've been giving him lots of reminders so I think this year could really be the year he actually remembers. It's also Mother's Day on Sunday so hopefully it's an all round fantastic weekend for family. Justin and I watch both boys tomorrow and then have the weekend off and then I watch them both on Monday and it's sounds like back to Spokane for them on Tuesday. It's been fun but I'm looking forward to some one on one time with my little man again. Yay!

The Tale of Two Toddlers

I've just done the seemingly impossible. It took me an hour but I got a 17 month old and a nearly 15 month old down for a nap within 15 minutes of each other.

Backstory:

I'm reading my friend's blog who lives in Spokane and she's very disappointed because she has to turn down a chance to make a lot of money because she has to travel up to the Okanagan to do it and has no place to stay and no one to watch her 17 month old son while she works for about a week and a half. I scratch my head for a moment and then send her an email. The email summarized is: We have a spare room and I'm not working. Stay with us and I'll look after Orin.

I was so happy I could help my friend make some money. Plus I don't get to see her very often so what a great chance to visit. She's about 3 weeks further along than me in her second pregnancy so we'll have tons to chat about too! Not that we wouldn't anyway since we've known each other nearly 20 years but it's still always fun to have someone going through the exact same thing as you.

A day goes by, then a week. Then I'm freaking out. Oh my god. How am I going to watch two toddlers? So I call in back up in the form of my mom. I'll split the money with you Mom, please, please, please HELP ME! My sweet mother of course agrees.

A couple problems arose in my plans where my dear, sweet mother ended up with both boys for a couple days. Have I mentioned again lately how much I love you mom? I need to find one hell of a mother's day gift for this Sunday. Maybe that's what I'll use my half of the money for taking care of this other dude for.

But my mom comes down with a stomach bug yesterday. We were all over at their house yesterday so I had my first taste of watching them both alone. But today I am all alone.

Now these are both very excellent little boys. But together they become a little of a handful. Mostly because Eli, unknowingly I'm sure, becomes a big bully around Orin. He loves pulling hair and he just doesn't grasp the fact that he should be sharing his toys yet. So if Orin goes up to something, Eli immediately has to come to it too and take it away or sit on it before Orin, etc. But it is a great learning experience for both of them. Eli is learning to share and not pull hair (although it's a slooooooooow process thus far) and Orin is learning to walk and to stand up for himself. We've been teaching him to put his hand out when Eli comes around and is trying to push him out of the way.

I think the best part about all of this though will be how easy it will feel to take care of Eli once Orin goes home, lol! I'll be like what the hell was I complaining about before?!

On a very bright note, we're all just loving having house guests. It's been so nice to catch up with my friend. And as a thanks for letting them stay with us, she even painted our living room on Sunday! It's just beautiful and we've been dying to do it ever since we moved in. No more boring white living room walls. I often worry about having house guests just because we live a non-traditional life compared to most. We don't have tv, we play our kundalini music all day every day, we eat vegetarian and have very little prepared food in our house. Luckily, my friend is super easy going with all of it. I don't think she watches much tv anyway, she is amazingly creative and spends most of her time on beautiful sewing and crafts and baking. And though she eats meat she seems fine with meatless meals. I'm sure it's just nice to not have to prepare them herself for once. It's been nice to pamper her a little bit. I know how hard it is when you're working all day and then you have to come home and make dinner and still do all your "mommy" chores. Especially when you're pregnant and tired too!

So all in all it's been a beautiful week so far and we'll be sad to see them go home although I'm sure her hubby misses them both terribly.

In Baby #2 news I had my dating ultrasound and it's not twins (YAY!) I'm also not further along like they had thought, I am actually the opposite and baby was about 9 days smaller. So they pushed my due date back, not that I care. Baby will come when he/she is ready. I'm doing what I did last time though, immediately I was certain it was a certain gender and now already at nearly 11 weeks I am flip flopping. I actually really want to find out this time but I don't think Justin wants to. I think mainly he doesn't want to pay to find out since you have to go to sneak a peek in Kelowna and I think JUST to find out the gender and get no pictures it's $79.00. Seems a little ridiculous. Plus I have hear ultrasounds really aren't that great for your baby anyway. And doing the 3D ones is much more harmful. So I'm wondering whether I should just wait and be surprised. Part of me just wonders though if when that baby comes out and they say it's a boy! Will I be just a little disappointed? I'd rather have that mini moment of disappointment well before that baby crosses over to this side of the womb. I know, we'll obviously be happy with either but I do want a girl so to know I've got a boy and a girl relieves some pressure to have anymore kids. Justin definitely wants more but I'm not so sure, especially after the overwhelming task of taking care of two toddlers. I know it will be different since they will be nearly 2 years apart but it's still two kids.

I think the moral of this week's blog is that I am just not cut out for child care. I was going to help a couple other friends out with childcare here and there but I think I won't now. It's ok to know your strengths and weaknesses and I have precious reserve of energy at the moment and I should not feel pressured to use it in ways I'm not feeling comfortable. I've really been coming into my own lately and realizing it's ok to ask for what I want and say no to others if I need to. That's not disrespecting anyone, it's actually respecting them and me. Also I'm finding more trust that the universe will provide for me. This getting laid off thing has done wonders for my faith. Every month I do our budget and find a $350.00 shortfall, and yet at the beginning of each month I find we're up far more than $350.00. God is really supporting us right now, and the message is clear, I'm just not meant to work at the moment, I need to be at home. So I am not looking for work. If the perfect job comes to me then great but otherwise, I'm happy with where we are. We can't pay off our debt like this but I get to spend precious time at home with my son, the last 6 months where it's just him and I. That is such a gift. And though he may be too young to remember this first 21 months of his life when it was just him and I, I will always remember them.