Less is more

I'm on another clean out and get rid of stuff kick. It's nearing a season change and that always gets me all riled up to let go of a bunch of stuff. I know I did this less than a month ago but I didn't get very far, only going through our junk closet. A friend on facebook posted an article about a woman who writes a blog about living with less. Her blog is:

www.theminimalistmom.com

Truly interesting and inspiring stuff. I mean as I said before, pretty much a change in the wind can make me want to declutter but this gave it a whole new spin. Only having what you need and use. It just got me to thinking on so many things. Do I really need two cake pans? Or even one really? How often do I bake a cake? I think I could count the number of cakes I've baked since moving out of my parents house on one hand. And even so I think most of those were baked at my parent's house. So I could just borrow a cake pan or go over there to bake a cake.

This woman went so far as to only have enough clothes as she can wear in a week. She literally has to do laundry once a week in order to have anything to wear. I find that really impressive since she has a son only about 5 months older than mine. I think I would only be able to weed it down to two weeks. Just in case.

The best part about a minimalist life is that you're not living cheaply. You are living with less at a higher quality. Buy good quality, even though it might be more expensive and then you will have to replace it less often. Wouldn't you rather have 2 beautiful, nice fitting jeans than 8 pairs that kind of fit and are sort of nice? Or one fantastic purse rather than 5 $20 purses that are ok? Quality over quantity.

She was pretty ruthless and says she can fit her wardrobe into a medium suitcase now. Impressive. She didn't keep anything that she didn't love the way she looked in. What a concept, hey? Don't keep stuff you don't like or don't use. So simple, yet how many of us actually do it? Same goes for food though right? Don't eat it unless your body can use it. So simple, yet how many of us actually think about that before taking a bite of food?

I really have some questions for this woman though. For one I would love to see her spreadsheet of what she considers necessities and basics for wardrobe. Something to go off for when I do it myself. Also how does she deal with different wardrobe genres? She is a stay at home mom with no current plans of returning to work so she doesn't have to worry about an office wear section. But she is an athlete so there is something she needs. I need yoga wear for doing and teaching yoga. I also need office wear, casual wear, I would love to have a more fun wear-out-to-dinner-with-my-husband-and-look-fabulous wear section but alas I don't, and maternity clothes and I would like to keep a section of clothes to wear after baby but before I'm back to my regular weight section. It's frustrating to keep that many types of clothing that you only wear for 3-9 (or 8 in my case) months at a time!

So my trek to a more minimalist life began with a list today. A list of everything I think I can do without. It's long. Some of it will make us money (I smell a good garage sale coming!) But it's exciting. We also went through all our paperwork tonight and cleared out pretty much our entire filing system. It felt SO good!! Plus I found a lot of things I had feared lost forever.

Another thing I did was divide Eli's current toys into three baskets. I plan on switching baskets every week so he enjoys and plays with his toys more and then every week he gets a basket of ones he hasn't seen in two weeks. I'm hoping it'll work well. His megablocks stay put though, that's a lot to move all the time. Plus my mom would miss playing with them too much.

Here's to living a higher quality life!

I used to head bang to music...

I'm vibrating. I've had such a strange day. Ups and downs, emotional highs and lows. Eli has been super cranky the past two days, I'm pretty sure tooth #5 must be on it's way... hope hope hope. On the bright side it gives me LOTS of practice at parenting from the heart and really being present in the moment. It's still very difficult.

We had a beautiful women's full moon meditation that Eli also attended. He was so good, he always is when there is meditating involved. And a friend Fateh and I both came to the conclusion that a circle full of women is the ideal play pen. Everyone commented on how calm he was and of course I beamed with pride. His spiritual name Siri Simran does mean great meditator after all.

So yeah on to my topic of the day. Eli has been banging his head against everything. Unfortunately fear took over and the negative part of my mind remembered reading something somewhere about relating autism to head banging. But I read it over and it's a rare connection and he is the complete opposite of all the other symptoms in that he loves interacting, talking, being cuddled, and can't wait to get to the next milestone. So I am definitely not worried about that.

The other reasons for head banging according to baby centre:

1) Attention

2) Comfort

3) Pain relief

4) Frustration

To me most of these seem like the same thing. He is in pain so he's frustrated and wants my attention for comfort. Their suggestions are less than helpful: keep him safe, reinforce good behaviour, give him a metronome (not sure how this helps??), give him a bedtime routine.

I just don't have any solution to what I need. What do I do when he is banging his head at the moment he is banging his head? I tried cuddles, distraction by playing with him, vibrating teether, food, milk. It was enough frustration to make me want to start banging my head. If anyone has gone through this and has suggestions feel free to post. I will try those natural teething capsules if this continues tomorrow, hopefully it won't though.

In more exciting, awesome Eli news, he now dances. As of Saturday he started bobbing away to music. He especially likes the tunes his excersaucer (now play table) sings and MC Yogi. He's been known to boogie to MJ a bit too. It's so hilarious he just starts bending his knees, bobbing his head and sticking his butt out. My heart nearly exploded with love the first time he did it. Even in these ridiculously trying days I love him unconditionally and compassionately. Still no update on height and weight. It's almost getting to a point where why bother until he's a year?

Lastly, this blog is called confessions of a new mom's first year. So in theory, it should be ending when my boy turns a year old. Which means it should be ending in exactly 23 days.

But to end the suspense of all my many, many (*cough 4) faithful followers, 2 of which are actually the same person, I have decided my blogging will not end at my son's first birthday. Rest at ease, it will continue despite the name being slightly confusing since I feel there are many more stories to tell about Eli and there will be other "first years" to document yet. I may change the description but that's ok, it's allowed. Horray for the edit button.

Why 11 month olds are kind of like dogs...

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. Trust me, everything is purely meant to be funny and/or a little satirical.

Why 11 month olds are kind of like dogs:

1. They'll eat anything off the floor.
2. They like to stand right where you want to walk.
3. If you leave food unattended for even a matter of 30 seconds, when you come back in the room it's being devoured:
4. At bath time you get as wet as they do.
5. They eat house plants.
6. When they get into something they're not supposed to (i.e. garbage, compost, or recycling) your whole house knows about it.
7. They chew on stuffed animals rather than play with them.
8. For someone so small they can manage to take up an entire queen bed while sleeping.
9. You feed them from your plate once and that's it, anything you're eating they feel they have entitlement to.

If you have any others to add, feel free to comment :) Have a great day!

Wonderful, wonderful Hubby :)

First of all Happy Birthday for tomorrow Justin, more on that later!

In Eli news, my precious boy just turned 11 months old yesterday. This means two things. One: he's getting so big!!! And two, I only have one, read it. O.N.E. month of maternity leave left.

I have mixed feelings about this. I really want to make a little more money, have a morning to myself so to speak, and earn enough hours to have another maternity leave. But I have to leave my little buddy!!!!

I know you're not really supposed to have a favorite age. I hear it all the time when people get asked "what was your favorite month in the first year?" Most say: "each one gets better," or "they are all great in different ways." To be perfectly honest, 9 months was pretty awesome. He could play on his own, walk and eat finger foods. OK but since then it actually has seemed to get better and better. I feel like the past two months, Eli and I have bonded so much. It's doubtful that this wouldn't be related to the fact that I have somewhat changed my attitude toward doing 90% of the Eli duties and changing to more of a parenting from the heart style of relating to Eli. It's been so exciting! He is also getting so much more of a personality. He's laughing and smiling nearly all the time! He runs towards me for hugs. He likes to cuddle with me and I can comfort him easily when he's upset.

What a period of growth I've been in lately. I went through a serious depression day as you likely saw if you read my blog often. Justin has been working ridiculous overtime and with that comes with ridiculous hours (all night sometimes). So this has meant house and Eli activities and chores are all me. I went through a poor me stage and then I really embraced this. I get to keep our house afloat and happy and bond with Eli and Justin gets to be more involved with the job he really likes and make some more money for our family. I also discovered what I miss most about Justin being gone. It's dinner time. So it made me think why? Because we talk the most during dinner time! So we came to an agreement that if he can, he will work as much as he can during the week as long as he's home for dinner, which he needs the break and the food anyway so why not? Then hopefully he can have some or all of the weekend off. I just feel bad that he can't take tomorrow off since he wanted to because it's his birthday.

Speaking of his birthday I did my first sewing project in a long, long time. I made him a hunter hut. It was a struggle the first day but once my mom helped me adjust the pattern it went well. Of course he tried it on and I have to rip it apart and make it smaller but maybe I need more patience in my life! No, I definitely do. At any rate, Justin knows my aversion to sewing and he is always looking for a hat big enough for his head that is cool so he was pretty touched by my efforts. That felt pretty good.

I just wanted to do a little tribute to my fantastic husband. He has always been fun loving and caring. I first knew I loved him about two weeks into the relationship but managed to hold out about a month before I told him. I first knew I was going to marry him when I got the chicken pox 3 months into our relationship and was the sickest I have ever been in my life and completely miserable not to mention awful to look at! Justin visited me every single day for the month I had them despite him working two jobs. He brought me movies I like and snacks (once I could eat again when the chicken pox down my throat had healed a bit). We lived together after 5 months and loved it! Always a big helper with dishes, house work and just in general. I coerced him into proposing to me by saying I wouldn't move to Quebec with him to do his masters unless we were married. He was the perfect groom. He was and still is amazing support through any physical ailments that I've suffered and always takes care of me and encourages me and pushes me to try something new. He always supports my crazy spur of the moment intuitive decisions like telling him he had to apply to SFU and it didn't matter that the deadline was in three days, ormoving on a whim back to Penticton or having a baby a year earlier than we had planned or manifesting our perfect home to buy and buy quickly! He brings home the bread so to speak, he introduced me to our spiritual path, and he always, always grounds me and makes me think about things in a different way to encourage change and growth. He's drop dead gorgeous with a smile that could melt your heart and a dark curly fro that you can't help but talk about. He has anime eyes and a heart the size of the world. He'll help anyone and everyone he can and he has the biggest dreams and ambitions of anyone I've ever known. I am so proud to call him my husband, my partner, my love, my Justin. I love you! Happy 29th Birthday!

Let go!

I've been getting signs everywhere I go. Let go. Dammit let go! Let go, let go, let go, let go!

That is definitely the theme of 2011 for me. My mantra.

My Kundalini Yoga sagnat (community) are at an immersion this weekend. These weekends are always quite difficult for me. This one should be a little easier because my hubby is not there so I'm not quite as connected but I still am very connected. We have such a strong group energy that I feel their changes, their vibrations. It's so strong that when they are up doing their sadhana at 4:30am, I practically jump out of bed. At the end of the weekend my husband and I both usually have the same energy hang-overs as those who attended the weekend.

The theme of the immersion is letting go of the past. Let go!

I've never struggled and thrived at the same time so much with a new year. I feel new and refreshed for 2011 and like we are on a really exciting path but at the same time being so in tune with your life the issues I need to work on become blatantly clear. In fact they are practically sitting on my face. Let go!

There are two main things I need to let go of. The first one I didn't feel comfortable putting in my new years resolution post. I now see this is silly. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid someone is going to read my blog and judge me for wanting to be honest and reflective of who I really am? I don't care to know these people and if you read this and judge me in any way you are likely working on the same issues as me so I really invite you to take a deeper look inward. Don't be afraid to admit you have issues to work on! Let go!

So anyway, on to my first main issue. The pity party. I think a lot of people have this issue and it comes back to attention. Any attention is good attention. And if you have issues with self-love and acceptance often you may be prone to not feeling worthy of others attention. Then you feel the need to have some sort of reason that people should be giving you attention. My foot hurts. I am so sorry to hear that. Ahh attention, feels good. I think this is why I have had a lot of health issues in my life. I need to stop craving pity from others and start appreciating myself more. This has me being tested since about January 3rd. Apparently January is a busy month for my husband's work. He has been working until 5am some days, then going back in at 10am. It's been pretty ridiculous, I kind of feel like I'm a single mom. So I feel I have been doing an awful lot of work. But since I have been trying my "parenting from the heart" theories, it hasn't felt like a ton of work. I'm actually enjoying it for the most part. But I'm lonely. I miss my partner. So far our New Years Resolution to spend more time together and as a family has pretty much gone down the drain. In some ways I feel I'm compensating for not having my partner around by having Eli fulfill some of my emotional needs. When I see Justin this little I tend to get distant. I realized today that it is easier to be mad at him rather than miss him. It did make me a little mad when he stopped work to play an hour of street hockey with his friends but he won't make an hour of family time in his schedule. I told him this and he said well let's schedule some time then. But part of me is too scared of rejection to do this. What if we set aside time and then he has to work. Again it's easier to be guarded than risk disappointment. Not a healthy way to live. Let go!

So all in all, point number one is to open my heart especially to loving myself! Let go!

Point number two is letting go of control. I'm getting much better at this. I started this post last night and had to end it early because Eli was crying and I'm pretty sure he's teething or had a tummy ache. Old habits may have made me freak out and be angry with him but going with the flow I said ok I'm meant to cuddle you right now, blogging can wait until tomorrow. And would you look at that, here it is waiting for me. As soon as you let go the need to control something it seems to go just as you wanted it to. Or at least as soon as you are in the flow of life it doesn't matter what you want because you are getting what you need. Let go!

So I guess I need to let go of wanting more time with my hubby. Let go!

I've been feeling quite depressed today but luckily a friend noticed and we went for an awesome lunch together. Even when I'm lonely I need to realize I'm never alone. I have some issues with the G-word (God) because I am spiritual, per say, rather than religious and don't associate God with religion. So not to scare anyone off but I need to accept that God is always there inside me. How can you be alone when God is in you, you are God, you are the whole Universe? This concept still gets a little overwhelming for me to accept at times. Especially when all you want is a cuddle from your husband. Let go! Right?

Parenting from the heart

Not to pick on my Dad or anything but seriously. When we were over last night he held Eli's hands and had him running down the halls. What is he trying to do to me?

This morning sometime after breakfast but before nap, Eli comes running into the living room, slips sideways on one foot and gashes his face on a laundry hamper. My little bruiser already. The cut is about an inch and a half. *sigh. And it begins. I've heard from a few people that mother's of boys really need to have nerves of steel.

So parenting from the heart. Actually living from the heart is my topic today. Boy it makes life easier. Just living and acting from a place where you feel true. After my Monday blues I tried this Tuesday and again today and it makes a world of difference. Not sure if it just makes me happier or Eli happier or both of us are happier because each other is happier but it really does make all the difference. Even after cutting his face, all day except when we were out on a walk and the cold winter wind was howling at us, Eli was so happy. I held him as he napped and thought about the children's book I want to write. We played megablocks. We wrestled and I tickled him and he laughed and laughed. I made Jillian Michaels' brownies and he played drums with the bowls and wooden spoons. I made dinner and he played. I did 3 loads of laundry and he walked around happily following me. I did dishes and he played between my feet and the counter. We read books together, even the one before bed without any fussing. And at bedtime, he fell asleep in my arms before I could even walk to the bedroom. But best of all, we hugged lots and smiled lots.

I just had such a dreamy day. I didn't even remember my awful Monday until I came to write this. So what does parenting from the heart mean? Good question. I wasn't even sure coming in to write this post but I have asked myself the question and now I must answer. It's more of a feeling than anything. Tuning in. My husband suggested I really listen to Eli's cries one time and that has really stuck with me. You can tell a lot by the cries. And have you ever been so upset about something just to be upset about it. You're not looking for a solution, or someone to even understand you, you just want someone to listen and then hug you at the end. I think babies do this a lot. Wouldn't you be frustrated if you were little, had a huge brain but were working on learning everything? Wouldn't you be in pain if every bone in your body and every organ was growing all at once? Now wouldn't you be upset if all this was happening AND no one understood the words coming out of your mouth??? So I've been trying to just listen when he cries and really vibrate love to him and eventually he stops and then we hug. Sometimes I can even hear that he's hungry through his cries... or that he's just so overtired or just wants a cuddle. I really truly believe that if you want to understand badly enough you will.

And other than that, I just do what feels good throughout the day. If that means making brownies or doing the dishes because Eli is playing away happily then great. If that means staying and cuddling him while he has a nap, great! I need to cherish these last precious moments of maternity leave. I go back in less than 6 weeks! (Only part time but still!)

I think other than living and parenting from the heart. One other thing I am doing that I really think has helped has been showing Eli how to play on his own. I will sit down with the megablocks and just start building. Not really playing with him but next to him, and he'll mirror me and play on his own. We interact now and then. He'll bring me the violin character that he loves or try and feed me Mr. Police Man but he is learning to play on his own. I mean how are you going to learn things if people don't show them to you? I'm happy to play with him, don't read this the wrong way but I truly think there is something to learning to play and be by yourself as well.

So I encourage everyone reading this to truly start living from the heart. It makes such a difference in making every decision you make and every thing you do feel purposeful, meditative, and most importantly happy.

Thanks Dad, I think?

The last post didn't really fit into the next one so I wanted to make it one in it's own, though be it likely a short one.

Eli has added some new skills to his arsenal.

He now waves thanks to his Daddy. It's adorable!

He also has both his top teeth through and growing! (I think he's teething still actually, he's drooling and definitely cranky!)

My Dad plays this game with Eli where he drops coasters on the floor and goes "uh oh". An "uh oh" per coaster actually. So Eli understands what uh oh means and he's started to say it! Especially if we say it first. So this could be his first word if you are assuming first words are something they say AND understand.

Now the bad news or the "I think?" part. Now when Eli is eating he will take food in one hand out to the side drop it and go "uh oh".

Sigh.