I am turning 30 in less than two months. First of all, let me be clear, this is not a "poor me, I'm getting old, omigodimturning30!!!!" post. I'm totally ok with turning 30. My mom has always said her 30's were the best years of her life so in a lot of ways I'm looking forward to them more than anything.
A very dear cousin and friend of mine is turning 20 today. Happy Birthday Karlster! In honour of this wonderful occasion I thought I would do my best to give the best advice and learnings I uncovered in my decade. I'm sure not all of it will be applicable, 10 years can change a lot! Plus we have different paths to live anyway. However, if nothing else I hope she knows I'm thinking of her and maybe I'll even make her laugh. So here I go!
The 10 Important Things I Learned in My 20's:
1) Keep out the drama! - When hanging out with people choose the low to no drama friends. To some people life is all a game. They want to play the mind games and keep you on your toes. They like reactions. Don't give them the pleasure. No reason to shun them either, you will always find these people and you may even decide to keep some as friends because you love them. All you have to do is not play into the drama. It's like a toddler having a tantrum, as soon as they know no one is watching or listening, they stop.
On a similar note, keep the good friends close! The ones that love you no matter what are the good ones. Also don't worry if everybody moves off to different places you just have to reach out through a phone call. And don't be prideful and not call because "you're always the one who has to call". And don't feel guilty and awkward if you are the one always being called. Just be grateful for the connection with a good friend.
2) Don't take student loans. - Oh how I wish someone had told me this. This amazing money that appears in your bank account magically one day is dangerous. Also it is not for clothes, movies, or alcohol. This money tricks you into thinking school is free. As much fun as I had in college with my friends, I'm still paying for it today. If I had worked and gone to school I would have been more sure about every penny I spent, every course I took, and the path I was on. Debt cripples you for years. If you take student loans, use them for school and have a plan to pay them off.
3) It's ok if you don't drink. It's also ok to drink. - The key is how you feel about it. Don't drink because everyone else is doing it, if you haven't heard, that's peer pressure. You can be fun and have a good time without alcohol. Alcohol is never a solution to a problem, it can be a fun addition to a good night though. My favorite college memories though were the ones were we were all completely sober and just hanging out doing funny and at times stupid things.
4) Mornings are a good time to get stuff done. - This is probably not something you want to hear right now. Sleeping in was good in my early 20's. But nothing beats the beautiful time of morning where not many people are up, you can grocery shop in peace, you can hear birds and actually smell what morning smells like. Plus you get so much done before noon that you have more time to relax later. Until then enjoy hiding under those covers until the crack of noon.
5) Put down the phone and pick up the phone. - By this I mean get off texting, get off social media, get off your email and actually speak to someone on the phone. Or better yet talk face to face! I didn't have a smart phone until 3 years ago but this is still a valuable lesson I learned in my 20's. Being on your phone around your family is rude. They don't always understand why this technology is so important to you, they want to see you, talk to you. When you are around your friends, you should be around your friends. I see too many people walking down the street in pairs or threes all heads down on their phones. It makes me sad and causes head on collisions at times. Take a techno brake every now and then, it really allows you to enjoy your thoughts and your friends. I often take facebook off my phone for a week and feel so much better. I've heard of unplugged weekends or even just an afternoon. That amount of information at our finger tips can be useful and at the same time consuming, just make sure you're not alienating what really matters by using it!
6) Budget! - I know this one sounds so boring. Honestly, even saying it makes me feel like your boring old cousin. Really though, it helps so much! Most people don't even know how much money they make! Keep track of it for a month and then you can see your expenses and get an idea of how much money you might have available to save. Save for a trip, retirement, a house, who knows but save for something! Otherwise money slips through your fingers faster than you can see it.
7) Try on lots of wedding dresses (and grooms if you need to!) - Don't go into your wedding knowing exactly what you want, it's going to change! I had two wedding dresses and my last was off the rack because the one I ordered I didn't end up liking the style on me. I thought I wanted a casual beachy dress so tried nothing else on. I ended up with a full skirt and lots of beading, who knows if I had gone in and tried every style! All in all though the dress matters little as long as you're sure of the groom :)
8) Your career will change, in my case a lot! - If you don't know, that's ok. That's pretty much all I have to say on this. I'm still figuring this one out. Don't be in a rush and don't pigeon hole yourself to something. If it no longer feels right, it's not.
9) Kids change everything! - Be ready and be sure. It's huge. Your teens and 20's are a "you first" experience which is for a reason! You need to figure out who you are. You have to make sure you are ready to be second because kids require you to be present at all times and need a lot of care. There will be time for you at times, you have to make that time though and it's easy to forget about you. If this means waiting to have kids a little longer it's probably for the best. Oh and I really learned to appreciate my parents in my 20's. Your parents made a lot of sacrifices for you, helped you out when they could, fed you (and still do), and they are always there for you on holidays or when you need a soft space to land. Not everyone has this so give your parents some extra hugs and love.
10) Don't sweat the small stuff! - It's an age old saying but I've found it appropriate. The small stuff will pass and the big things are the relationships. An exam, a fight, a bad hair day, they will all pass, and as long as you are kind and honest your relationships will be there. At the same time the small things you do with those people are the big things.
Just be you! You'll find out who that is as you go. Be true to you in any given moment and don't compare yourself to anyone. We all do this, we compare body type, education level, job type, relationship status, parenting style, etc. None of it matters, we're all doing the best we can with what we have. Comparing with others only leads us to question whether we are living our truth. Everyone has the perfect set of unique talents to add good to the world. And you my dear are no different. I love your kindness and compassion, your honesty, and your ability to laugh at yourself. I love your ability to say I don't get it, it shows you have a level of self-confidence and vulnerability that most don't have. I love your optimism, your want to make friends and listen to those friends. I love that you play games with my kids. You are beautiful inside and outside and I can't wait to see what you do with your 20's, I'm sure you will learn 10 lessons of your own (or more) but make sure you have fun doing it with people you love.
I love you! Happy Birthday! xo
