Crank....

As I mentioned in my last post, hormones are really getting to me this time. Up - Down. Bliss - Depression. Happy - Cranky. It's exhausting. I was even so cranky that when I posted on facebook that Shelly was cranky, I had to add a disclaimer that basically said "if you utter one word about how I SHOULD be feeling (aka happy that there is a beautiful growing being inside of me that in 6-7 months will come out and again change my world) that I am going to bite your head off". Must be a girl.

But seriously, I know what's going on and that it's all for the greater good but if it's one thing I've learnt in the last 2 years of my life doing kundalini yoga is that you have to FEEL your emotions, otherwise you start storing them away into chronic pain and sadness. This is not to say you need to live in these emotions (or even act out of them as I may have earlier with my comment) but you need to accept them, feel them, let them go. So moral of the story, let me be cranky. It's not like it's going to last long anyway.

In other news I'm excited to have my first midwife appointment tomorrow! I think it's probably too early to hear the heartbeat but I still have my fingers crossed. I'm going to go without Eli and really just let it be about me and baby. That feels right to me. Maybe later on Eli can come too but for at least this initial meeting, me and babe. Baby Hebert #2. Gives me shivers sometimes!!

Back to bliss.

In Eli news, he seems to be in an "I won't eat anything but bread, pasta, cheese and fruit" phase. Frustrating. Also I'm finding it really hard to feed him when I'm so nauseous. I don't know if you've heard but baby's are not clean eaters. All the food gets mushed together to form one super food with a very weird smell. I gag thinking about it. My poor friend has Hyperemesis Gravidarum and everytime I feel sorry for myself I think about poor her having to do the same things as me but sicker, much sicker.

Eli also has gone to the park 3 out of the last 4 days. We've had such nice weather! He hates the swings but LOVES the slides! The smiles I get from the slide are amazing! Such a proud mama.

He is also learning to kick a soccer ball! Every day he amazes me with something new.

I love being a mom! Annnnnd we'll end with bliss.. a far cry from crank.

Step right up baby #2!

I'm coming out of the closet to my blogging world. I am pregnant again. Whew, now I feel relieved, hehe.

It was easier coming out on facebook this time since I only have like 60 friends left after pairing out anyone I hadn't talked to in the last 6 months.

But yes, pregnant. Again. A new journey beginning with another to follow in about 6-7 months.

It's amazing how when you let go of something you want really bad, that's when it comes back to you. I got pregnant probably days after writing the post on here that I was so frustrated after taking test after test each month and how I just needed to let go and accept that I may be one of those women who can't get pregnant while breastfeeding. Let it go and there it is. Amazing.

So after Eli coming on his own time I'm tempted to not put much faith in due dates. My belief is this baby will come around the beginning of November. I'm hoping for 11-11-11, what crazy good numerology for someone to have!!

I think it's a girl but after my baby spirit meditation that I wrote about how could I not? Also I'm sure that most people who have one gender the first time just assume it'll be the other the second time. We'll be quite happy with another little man.

This pregnancy feels different. With Eli I was attracted to blue, everywhere. This time I'm finding I'm attracted to pinks, purples, florals. With Eli I would not choose one for sure baby name and with this one I have a boy name and a girl name for sure. Obviously I'm open to the fact that if it comes out and it's not a ______ we will find something else. With Eli I couldn't eat from weeks 6-12 and when I could I craved potatoes and quinoa, with this one I have to continuously eat or I'm sicker than a dog and most of the time I can only eat whatever I'm craving which is usually junk food. This is very painful for someone who tries to eat healthy. Also I feel like I'm doing the baby harm, yet, I just can't eat anything else! I'm ashamed at what I am putting in my mouth lately.

I think I have been a little less tired this time but that could just be survival instinct. Or Univera. And I've been taking huge doses of Univera's Aloe Gold and that could mean the difference of why I can eat this time and why I couldn't last time. No real way to tell without a time machine.

At any rate, it's different this time, though I expected it to be. I think the main thing I've noticed is lots of mood swings and a lot of fear. I worry a lot. Things like, why do I deserve another when often I can't handle the one I have. Yesterday was an all day crankfest with molars so I was extra emotionally drained. Also with hubby working so much I think, I need more help with one, how are we going to do two? But what I have to remember is that just like the first one you get 9 (or 8 in our case) months to get used to the idea and figure out how the heck you're going to manage. 8 Months of training and prep work. I have time. I don't need to be worried.

So luckily I am finally beginning to get excited for this baby! It was so sad to try and want one so badly for 8 months and finally get my wish and then feel like I couldn't handle it and the time wasn't right. I am at peace with it now though, it's all going to be fine. Take a lesson from the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Shelly, and "DON'T PANIC."