About two weeks ago we found out the news: We are having another boy!
I'll admit I had mixed feelings about the news. I thought for sure this was going to be our girl. It was interesting how everyone I told asked how I was feeling about that. There's a certain level of disappointment expected when you don't get the ideal one boy and one girl. I was not immune to this. I always really wanted one of each and then one more of whatever gender, grab bag!
I immediately pushed through my feelings and put out the statement "of course I'm happy, three boys will be great!" That was not entirely true and I've spent the last two weeks working through that disappointment privately.
I know there's a bright side to everything. I'm definitely used to raising boys and I have all the clothes for it. I was really looking forward to buying some new clothes though since these ones are actually starting to wear a bit after going through two active boys. I also was looking forward to the flowered headband pictures and buying leggings and tunics.
I'm really excited at the prospect of getting to raise three open-hearted, compassionate men. I know we are starting on the new generation of aquarian men now and I'm very excited to be a part of that.
BUT... it also makes me think, was there something missing from me that meant I couldn't raise a strong, confident woman? Do I still have a lot to learn before I'd be ready to raise a girl?
I'm hoping that by raising this new generation of men they might be more inclined to stay in touch and communication with their parents. It may be a cliche but girls seem to stay closer to their parents than boys later in life. It also means I may not to ever be part of planning a wedding. And depending on how my future daughter in laws feel about me, I may never be present at a birth of one of my grandchildren. I will never have a best girlfriend in my daughter like I have with my mom and like she had with her mom.
This all leaves me feeling a little bit lonely.
I've read a ton of blogs and articles about mothers of three boys (never about three girls) and how people tell them all the time how it's too bad they never got a girl. These woman are livid. I'm sure all of my statements why I'm disappointed would make them even madder. But I can't help how I feel and nor will I deny how I feel. I will still be an amazing Mom to all three of my boys. We raise humans not specifically boys or girls so I'm still going to get to experience three wonderfully different personalities, likes, dislikes etc. That's always what I really wanted.
Also on the bright side, I will stay queen of this house. I will have the loving devotion and protection of 4 boys if you include my husband. I will always be the odd one out but it just means my relationships with my girlfriends might need more attention.
Also another thing I'm REALLY looking forward to not dealing with is adolescent girls and PMS! I always said I would much rather have three boys than three girls any day.
Also FOOTBALL! I love playing football. I've always been at least as much tom boy as girly girl, if not more!
I just hope my boys never get too old to cuddle, even if it's when no one else is looking. I'd take that.
I'm still having bad all day sickness days, though they are fewer and further between. I have really bad heartburn. Since Christmas when I had my three week virus, I've had 3 colds, tonsillitis where I couldn't even talk or swallow without crying, and then a huge rash from the antibiotics from the tonsillitis that made my feet hurt so bad I couldn't walk on them. This pregnancy is a struggle, every day. I am exhausted by it honestly. I am nearly 22 weeks now and I can't believe in 5 weeks I'll be in the most tiring trimester. I don't know if I will leave my couch at all anymore. I'm glued there a lot now as it is.
Wish me luck!
