2010 in a Nutshell (Hah!)!

New Years resolutions. Hot topic of debate. Do you make them or not? Some people swear by them and some people swear not to do them. Either way is fine but if the only reason you are not doing them is because you are afraid you will fail I think that is a cop out. I was reading an article in Alive magazine, actually it was the Editor's note, and he made a really good point that at some point in the year (if you do not want to conform to New Year's Resolutions that is) you really should go over your past year and figure out where you want to be by the end of the next year. You need to make sure you're going in the right direction and then you can make your goals that are actually achievable. We do this with our Univera business. Accountability is the key to success. So I wanted to write everything we did this past year as a review.

I'm going to start with December 31st, 2009 because it's pretty much the new year. The last day of 2009 we bought a Burgundy 2006 Ford Escape which we named R.B. aka Ron Burgundy. We love him! After getting our car stolen and borrowing Justin's parents little green truck for awhile we knew we should get a family vehicle and since all our cash was going towards buying a house we ended up financing a newer vehicle than expected. Who knew you pay cheaper monthly installments on a newer vehicle that costs more??

We spent new years eve celebrating our new purchase with the Senger family playing games, eating and laughing until we cried. Turning in at a reasonable hour of 10pm since I was 7 months pregnant and tired. New Years Day we tried the usual rope my Dad into playing games with Mom and us. We had a nice quiet dinner with them. The next week or so consisted of me looking around the house going, "I really should be packing something right now," but then feeling too tired after work and having a nap instead. It was great to wake up when Justin got home from work and then have him make me dinner. I got really un-picky about what to eat since I was just so happy I didn't have to make dinner myself.

As January continued, we went out for dinner a day early for Justin's birthday and my mom made him a delicious raspberry ganache cake. He spent his birthday at a Univera event which is another note worth mentioning. December 20th, 2009 was the day Justin signed up to be a Univera associate, a pivotal marker, setting the tone for 2010. January 15-17 we spent in Naramata at a Kundalini Yoga immersion which was amazing. It was my second one and Justin's third. It was a smaller one but that might have been what made this one so memorable, we were all able to go a little deeper and have more meaningful conversation with one another.

After the immersion we felt refreshed and renewed for the task of packing up our house which is what we spent the next two weeks on! Our house deal completed January 28th and we moved in January 30th. I spent my evenings unpacking the following week and the first weekend in February we did a couples yoga class for labour with Erin and Daryl. We also painted what we thought would be the nursery a nice buttercream yellow.

On February 11th, I finished unpacking our last two boxes and to our surprise on February 12th, the first day of the Vancouver 2010 Olympics at about 5am (4:50am to be exact) my water broke. Our sweet angel of a little boy came 3 hours later at Penticton Regional Hospital at 7:58am after much confusion, surprise, and very little pain but what I like to call my hardest workout to date. Eli was lucky to have Daddy and Auntie Erin present at birth (along with 2 nurses, an Obstetrician, a Pediatrician and my midwife Christy).

They kept us in the hospital as long as the could, trying to find things wrong with my so called premature baby but the worst they found was a mild heart murmur and a little jaundice so we were finally released February 16th. I said hi in passing to my friend Jenn who had her little Kaitlyn on February 16th. The next couple days were spent trying to get everything we needed for our little surprise! On February 20th I had my (or Eli's I guess) Baby Shower. My mom, Auntie Sue and cousin Amber threw me an amazing shower full of delicious food and spectacular, generous gifts. I think everyone was pretty excited that Eli was there so they could meet him. The rest of February was spent adjusting as I don't really remember much else from it.

In March Justin was laid off from his job at SageKey as a computer programmer which was pretty scary at first but he came home with a smile on his face. It was a really good thing for us. He was not happy at the job, the work atmosphere left something to be desired. He got to put extra time into his Univera business and spend lots of time with his son in the first few months of his life. A blessing really thanks to EI. Another blessing I forgot to mention was the Karma Krew that our friend Fateh started for us. For 40 days on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, angels would drop lovely dinners on our doorstep. Thank you again angels!

Eli's best friend Cohen was born on March 19th to our best friends Erin and Daryl. So we organized a Karma Krew meal delivery for them as well. We also tried to get as many pictures of the buddies as we could.

In April a third member was added to the crew when on April 16th Lauren was born to friends Amanda and Jeff.

In May Justin and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. My mom was in Redwater, AB visiting her sister so luckily Erin and Daryl were able to babysit Eli. We also went to our first Univera Vancouver Regional in May which was amazing! It was difficult with a newborn but we made it work. We got to meet Dr. Neil Tessler, the Naturopathic Doctor on our team and Justin got to hear Stephen Cherniske the Chief Science Office of our company speak. I heard it from the hallway with Eli who woke every time the audience clapped. We also went to a birthday party of our friend Hari Bhajhan at our friends house Sham Sunder and Pritamjot. This was really a turning point for us because we left with the energy from their beautiful home and wanted to make ours more like it. This is when we cancelled our cable tv and moved around our house. We made a yoga room and moved our tv out of our main living space (since then we've watched maybe two movies on it). May was about the time when Eli was able to hold his head up too, such a smart lil guy :) Mid-May I also started working 4 hours a week at my old job to help them out through the busy months.

In June Justin started working for a Alkaloid Networks with Jeff who was my old boss's Computer Tech Support. He started out working part time, gradually getting to full time as Jeff left on vacation. Justin started doing Univera booths at the Farmer's Markets too which was really useful in upping his confidence with product knowledge and general networking. June I spent mostly outside walking with my fellow mommies and babies. I believe June was when Eli started to roll over in every direction.

In July I took the plunge into my two year yoga teacher training program which after the first meeting I instantly knew I had made the right choice. July was also lots of visiting. Lots of friends came back to the Okanagan and we took our first BIG roadtrip. We slept in a teepee in Golden, got lost in Calgary and then camped with the Hebert family in Forestburg, AB for a few days helping Aunt Lynnette and Uncle Grant celebrate 25 years with a vow renewal and party. Then we had a brief jaunt at West Edmonton Mall and visited Baba Sue and Uncy Dave in Redwater, AB. My cousin Amber came over and made us dinner with her hubby Jason. It was a short but sweet visit. We headed home the following day and couldn't quite make it home so stayed a night in Kamloops. You could hardly call it a night actually, we slept in a room for four hours and continued home. July was when Eli learned how to sit on his own and started rocking on all fours.

By his 6 month Birthday on August 12th Eli could crawl. We also found out he loved food! He has eaten pretty much everything we've given him. He also said a few words here and there like "hi" and "I know", intentional or not, still neat! We also had more visiting! Yay summer! We also attended Eli's first Peach Fest and Eli's first PNE! The PNE trip was both fun and sad. The sad part was this is when our two ferrets went to their new home with friends Grace, Cyril and their "business": Cyd, Charlie and Cemetry. It was a sad day but we know we made the right choice. They are getting the love, attention and care they deserve now. The Okanagan Univera team hosted a really successful Univera event on Ironman weekend as well. This gave us momentum into the fall and I decided to be more involved with the business as well.

In September I decided to give free yoga classes at my house for practice in teaching which went really well half the time and the other half no one showed up. Still it was really good practice for me! Fateh was also back in town so she was able to help us be more focused in the Univera business and bring more accountability to us. We went on our first camping trip with Erin, Daryl, Cohen, Jeff, Amanda and Lauren up to Headwaters. That many babies was very interesting and loud. Also the cabin was very hot. This much closeness resulted in all the babies getting their first cold. September was around the time we all started doing Wednesday weekly baby parties alternating houses. This is also when Stephanie an Dayla joined our rag tag little group. I stopped doing my 4 hour a week shifts at work too since they were getting slow.

October was when I started my first yoga class for money with a private group of 4 women who I shared many laughs and good times with over the next two months! Eli had his first thanksgiving that we shared with both sets of Grandparents and Uncle Marcel. A dear friend of mine passed away on Thanksgiving Monday, Curtis you are missed, I think of you often! We also did a trip to Vancouver for the Taste of Health, a vegetarian food fair to show off our Univera products which was not immediately successful but was a great learning experience for us all. We did a Univera event with Justin's mom in Malakwa in October as well, it was extremely successful! Eli had his first Halloween and we a had a pumpkin photo shoot with all the babies which even got them famous on the local news. His first Halloween was spent with Grandma and Grandpa Ha and he trick or treated at Erin and Daryl's house only. But we watched Garfield Halloween and Mom and Dad ate his candy. Good times. Eli got his first tooth in October with the second one following about a week later and he was also a super crawler by then able to move wherever he wanted. He also started pulling up.

November was a busy month. The first weekend Justin went to a yoga immersion in Naramata and Eli and I had a sleepover with Grandma Ha while Grandpa was away as well. The next weekend we spent at the Univera Vancouver Regional. This trip coincided with my Birthday which was a fun day spent with our friend Tasha and we met up later with Lisa, Fateh and Pritamjot and had some yummy Mexican food. The Regional was a lot of fun but we had to travel back that night for my yoga teacher training the next morning. The trip also made us very aware of our need for a budget so we installed one immediately. I got my first Univera customer (our 10th in total though) in November too which I was very proud of. At the beginning of November Eli took his first steps too (Nov 8 to be exact!).

December I started teaching yoga classes at Lakeside Fitness which I have really been enjoying. I also got choked enough at Bell to cancel my phone when my contract is done. And I got an iPhone! I know this is a material possession and I shouldn't be so attached to it but it has seriously changed my life. I can do lesson planning any where and I can do facebook and emails and shopping lists and games all while Eli is napping on me. I spend less time on facebook too in general which is actually surprising since it is more readily available.

We did our usual December traditions of the Harris lunch in Vernon, a dinner with friends Rob and Gayle, and I did the Salvation Army Christmas Hampers Day where they hand out the hampers. I also taught a special yoga class for Prospera Credit Union.

Our first Christmas as a family was really special, Justin's brother Marcel stayed with us for 5 nights and Justin's parents for 3 and we spent Christmas Eve at our house playing games and eating pizza having a great time. Christmas was a relaxed day with movies and a ton of food at my Mom an Dad's. Eli got pleasantly spoiled but not over the top. I like a little bit of restraint at Christmas. We didn't exchange gifts with Justin's family but they bought a few gifts for Eli. My parents and us did a smaller than normal Christmas which was nice too. It was amazing having all our immediate family together. It was really special. We did a gift steal too which was fun! Eli ended up with a really good mix of clothes, books, and toys, good job and thank you to all the gift givers! Justin and I got lots of amazing things too but some of my favorites were a Fruv gift certificate which I spent immediately on boxing day, a Quinoa cookbook, and a hand drawn picture of Eli by my wonderful brother Marcel. We are a lucky family.

Eli was officially walking in December, he toddles around everywhere. He also had one of his two front teeth poke through, the other one is trying to follow. Super cranky as a result. We also got tired of going to bed really late so we installed a bedtime routine of milk, teeth brush, bath (which he officially likes now!), story and rocking and lullaby to sleep.

It's been nice having Justin off work for just over a week. And we plan on ending the year at home just the three of us with some Indian food and maybe a movie.

Ok here is the ACTUAL nutshell: New car, new house, new baby, new friends, new jobs and a new business. Wow. What will the next New year bring?

After all this I need to reflect a bit before I make any resolutions.

Christmas Break

I really only have one question or issue to discuss tonight. It's one that is really bothering me today. How come Daddy's get to take a Christmas Break from work while Mommy's are expecting to keep on exactly as normal?

I've been working my butt off today all day and I barely got enough of a break to get prepped for the yoga class I taught tonight and I am just exhausted!

Mommy's should have some sort of Christmas Break too. Couldn't we split days, you're on Christmas vacation for the first half and I get the second?

Just. So. Tired. Going to sleep now.

All he wants for Christmas are his two front teeth

I know it's a lame name, probably very over-used as well. But it's true. Upper tooth #1 reared it's ugly head sometime between bedtime and wake time. Not a particularly fun night, I'm hoping tonight is better now that it has initially poked through but we'll see. I wonder if he'll get the other before Christmas as well just to make that corny line applicable, hehe.

Other news is that he turned 10 months a week and a half ago. Still no weight stats but I did measure him with my tape measure and it read 30 inches on the dot.

AND I've been so fed up lately with being up with Eli until 11-12 at night that I started a bedtime routine. So far it's helped immensely to get him to go down for the night. He's down by 9pm (9:15 pm the first night we tried). He wakes up still two-three times (or four or five last night, geesh) but still I think we may actually be on the road to sleeping through the night. Though my cousin with a 5 year old informed me hers still doesn't which frightened me a little I must say. But yeah so every night at 8:30pm I feed, brush teeth, bathe, read a story, and rock him for about 5 minutes and he is out like a light. Amazing! I even have some time to blog now! Maybe even work on child #2 sometime, lol! I actually asked my husband last night after Eli was asleep and I had finished cleaning the house... "what did I use to do before we had Eli?" So tonight I am blogging and going to read for a bit and hit the sack early. Because he is going to sleep earlier he definitely is awake by 7am which is not a draw back if I get to sleep early too!

The actual drawback to this though: I don't get to have a life past 8pm. *sigh

My hubby and his bro are at the Winter Solstice meditation put on by our Kundalini Yoga group which also sort of functions as the holiday party and social. And I have to miss it all for the sake of routine and the better sleep of all. Oh well, I knew there would be sacrifices when it came to having children and I love being a mom, even if it means my nights out now end at 8pm and after that involve blogging, reading, and sleep. That still sounds like a pretty damn good trade off for the adorable bundle of sweetness that I get to call my child.

Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays everyone! Looking forward to another amazing year for 2011!

Walk like a man...

Hello!

How do you define when your child is officially "walking"? Is it when they take their first steps on their own? Is it when the take a few (like 5) steps all at once? Or is it when they frequently take 5-6 steps in the period of a day? Or is it when they are walking on their own and no longer falling down?

Well Eli took his first step on November 8th, my dearly departed friend Curtis' birthday. And to date he is walking 5-6 steps on his own probably 10 times a day. Can I consider this walking? Do I really care? I will likely just tell him if he asks when he started walking that it was around 9-10 months. Do we really need to get into specifics with every thing? I find it tiring. All I know is that my little man is adorable, despite that fact that he just unravelled all of Daddy's toolbox string and trailed it over to where I am sitting.

Unfortunately it appears he has eczema. Just two spots on his leg but still. Poor lil' guy.

I am dealing with one major issue at the moment. Guilt about weaning. We really want to have another child and it doesn't appear that is possible for us while breastfeeding. So my plan was to replace a feeding with goat's milk, the midday one. As I read more and more about the best way to do this and everything told me I was weaning him. I didn't really even realize I was weaning him. I was only going to take away one feeding to see if I could bring back my cycle but now I read I'm weaning him? There suggestions were to add honey to milk to make it sweeter and more in line with breastmilk. And honey is only allowed after one year hence making me feel guilty about weaning him when he's not even 10 months yet! I know lots of people wean much earlier but it's onto formula which is a little different. So the question is am I depriving Eli of what he needs in order to give him a sibling sooner? It feels a little like I am.

So that's the major decision I'm dealing with right now. I tried it one day and he would absolutely not drink any of the goat's milk. It could have been the bottle too because he hates the bottle (has since about 6 months). So I was feeling like I was forcing it on him and felt terrible and decided I just wasn't ready to wean him. Me, myself was not ready to wean. Then after 2 days break, I decided to try rice milk in his sippy cup. And I even changed it to the sippy cup lid rather than the bottle like lid (which weirdly enough he would take for some reason). And he drank it! Only about an ounce or two and he tends to do this weird thing where he drinks and spits so I'm not sure how much of it he gets but he ended up going from 10:30 to about 3:30 without breastmilk which he has done before but not often. A couple times at night and maybe one or twice during the day. And he only drank an ounce or two so maybe we can do this. I'm feeling a little better just by thinking I am only taking away one feeding. I really will only do the one feeding replacement until he's a year old. That makes sense to me. Then if it's enough to get me pregnant again, it's enough. If it isn't, we'll see how I feel at a year. If I need to breastfeed to 18 months or two years, I guess we'll have closer to a 3 year gap between kids, whatever happens is meant to happen. It has to be the right time for everyone.

So I am feeling optimistic again. Also I think it's cool that he'll drink from the sippy cup lid now. He also eats lots of finger foods now. It took him quite awhile to figure them out but he totally gets it now. Our best idea was to give him chunks of fruit (which he loves!) We gave him a whole strawberry on November 14th (and many others immediately after) and he just chowed down. It's great. Feeding has gotten easier and fun again!

Now bedtime!

*sigh

I have been having a rough past few days. Perhaps a rough few weeks even. First of all we all got sick, yet again. If you're keeping track that is like 4 colds in 2 months. Second of all, Eli has taken to nurse for two seconds then pull off and act completely uninterested. Then he continues on like this till he gets up and wants to nurse sitting. As soon as he gets up he gets so upset that he's not eating anymore! So frustrating. Thirdly, Eli has been so cranky that he wants to eat like every 1.5 - 2 hours. He must be getting a tooth but I don't feel one. He's got a little rash under his lip from drool and everything. But it's so taxing on me to hear him cry and cry and cry.

Justin is great but he seems to offer a lot of advice without really confirming that he hears what I'm trying to say and why I am frustrated. I think it makes me extra angry hearing advice from him since he doesn't have to deal with it all day and when he does he's not expected to get anything done. Life would definitely be easier to do nothing all day but I would go crazy! I haven't left the house in 2 days and that alone is making me crazy. We have had a really big cold snap and all the momma's don't seem to want to walk much in it. That is my only transportation so I'm a little more motivated, hehe.

On another note we've been working on increasing our financial stability. We did a budget and although it's very hard to follow and very restrictive we kind of don't have a choice for once. It's do or die, or a least do or don't pay our bills. But the bright sides are as follows:

• I'm drinking less coffee
• I'm eating less junk food
• We're wasting less of the food we buy
• We're eating better, healthier meals
• I don't have the question "what am I going to make for dinner?" because it's all laid out for me in a meal plan

So that's what we've been up to. I'm really excited it's almost Christmas time! October is my favorite month of the year weather-wise, but December is my favorite when it comes to good cheer! People just seem so much more genuine in December. They really, authentically want to help each other and feel connected in humanity with one another. Bliss.

Oh and I'm thinking of opening a yoga studio in my house but am looking for a name. Any suggestions are welcome!

Univera Baby!

I have had such an amazing weekend! I'm not sure if I have mentioned the company that my husband and I are involved in before but here it is again, Univera! It's a company based on growing a community of wellness. The products are based on science and nutrition and shared through a relationship marketing structure. I know this type of network marketing gets a bad rap as some sort of pyramid scheme but it truly is the way of the future. Even well-renowned "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" author Robert Kiosaki wrote a book on it as the up-coming business of choice and he's not even in network marketing!

We were at the Taste of Health Vancouver this weekend for Univera and it just gave me a completely new perspective into this business and how much it has done for me product wise as well as my husband and I growing in character because of it. But also just thinking of how amazing it would be as a "mom job". I'm taking my yoga teacher training but I think you have to work pretty damn hard in this town to make enough money to live on just teaching yoga. I think I would have to be doing about 6 classes a week and you prep for each class so that's quite a bit of work. So this business seems like a perfect way to make enough money to just teach yoga and not have a day job. Plus a lot of the "work" for Univera is connecting with people whether it be on the phone, email or going for coffee. Pretty sweet stuff!

So anyway I got to see a whole bunch of my Vancouver friends this weekend and talk to a whole bunch of cool people interested in health and wellness. What a fun way to spend a weekend!

Eli had a lot of fun too! He was a bit cranky because he got his first tooth on Thursday I believe and has since then been working on another. Slow process those toothies. Plus I fed him some mac and cheese twice on friday and he was up every hour that night with a tummy ache I think :( Thankfully, hubby and I take Xtra (Univera product) which kept us bright and bushy tailed with energy despite the lack of sleep. We give Eli our aloe vera product every morning and since we have it has regulated him and instead of pooping every 3-4 days he goes every day now and with ease. He even had bananas this weekend with no problem which he was very happy with because our little monkey loves bananas! We also give him our Essentials product which is a super food with tons of nutrients.

If you would like any information on any of these products comment or feel free to go to my husband's website:

http://justinhebert.myunivera.com

8 Month Stats!

8 Month Stats:

Weight: 19 lbs 12 oz

Height: just under 29 inches

Not too much else to report. We're good!! Finally over all the colds :D

8 Months!

Hello! I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I posted last. Wow time flies.

Eli is officially 8 months old tomorrow, crazy! That means new foods! Every day is a new worry too, he bonks his head... A LOT! He is obsessed with standing now. He'll crawl when he has to but he prefers to pull himself up and work on sidestepping and walking. I'm so not ready for that...

This will be another short post. I will have stats for you a week late, yet again. I just don't find the time to take Eli to interior health to get weighed on my own. Life is crazy right now. I always forget that it's not just the summer that's busy. It seems to linger all the way into late October, early November.

My only issue is that Eli first got sick September 19th and he is still sick! He had croup and that got better in about 4-5 days. Then he got a bit better and got worse again. He's had a runny nose and a rumbly chest for a week or two now. Dr. says his lungs sound fine so we shouldn't be too worried but still that seems like a really long time. I'm just glad his cough has stopped for the most part. But still how long does a runny nose linger?? Hopefully he clears up soon. He still plays like normal (and eats, sleeps, etc.) so I'm trying not to worry but still he's my little guy and I just want him to be better!!

Right now he loves four things: the coffee table, horsey rides, paper, and monkey noises

I'm feeling very exhausted after a busy and emotionally draining weekend. Lots of visitors fit into a small amount of time, houseguests, thanksgiving celebrations, and sad news about a friend. So lots going on right now. Best time to grow and change though, right?

7 Month Stats

Well.. I am a week and a half late but here are his 7 Month Stats as promised!

18 lbs and 28.25 inches.

Tomorrow we are travelling on a quest for a new car seat since he is officially 0.75 inches away from outgrowing his current one. Crazy.

First middle of the night ER visit

Well it had to happen eventually, I took Eli into ER tonight. Fortunately, he is fine. Just a mild case of the croup. But I promised myself that by choosing not to vaccinate I would be very careful with any kind of sickness to get him checked out promptly in case he needs care.

Unfortunately, I am also sick. So now we have the window wide open and I'm a little bit freezing to be honest. Winding down from the hospital visit too. It's definitely an adrenaline rush, much like when we were rushing to the hospital to have him 4.5 weeks early. I love how quiet it usually is first thing in the morning, makes me have hope that not too many people are hurt or sick.

On a separate note, I think I mentioned Eli is crawling everywhere and getting into everything. He really began to crawl 2 days after his 7 Month birthday. I count real, actual crawling as being able to crawl a couple feet without sitting or lying on his tummy. It's so amazing to watch him go from sitting to crawling to sitting, rolling onto his back and then to his tummy and then sitting. He's a lot happier now that he can get to the things he wants too (whether mommy wants him to or not).

Crazy thing is, he's starting to pull himself up. He was sitting next to his Daddy (who was lying on his side) and he wanted the kleenex box which was on the other side of Daddy. So he gets a grip on his legs and stands up. A bit wobbly but wow! I'm in for trouble with this one. He's just been ready and early for everything it feels like. Except getting a darn tooth! Not that I'm in a rush to have teeth in certain sensitive areas but I would love if he had something to show for his teething pains.

Well it's both late and early at the same time so I will go back to bed. Wish us both a speedy recovery!!! There is no rest for sick moms after all!

The paths are many, the truth is one.

Hello friends! My little guy is 7 months old!!! No stats to speak of at this moment, maybe I will weigh him next week.

Now that we have the logistical stuff out of the way, I want to get to more of a spiritual topic. The title of this blog post is "the paths are many, the truth is one." This means things to me on many different levels. I came across this quote in my yoga teacher training and the all encompassing definition is of course there are many paths to God but as long as you're trying to find him/her/it you will be just fine. I don't love all encompassing definitions however because I think that defeats the purpose of this quote all together. I think each person's reality or how they see the world is totally different from the next person's so that quote could mean a million and one different things to any given person. But I'm getting kind of off track here on a spiritual tangent and will reel myself back in.

Parenting. It's tough. It's the hardest, most rewarding, trying, incredible, joyful, emotional, heart-wrenching journey. The ups and downs are many. The love is more than any love I've ever felt before. The fact that one tiny person can make you want, or even NEED to be a better person just blows my mind. This little tiny being has flipped my life on its head so fast, making me question every decision I make, always eventually coming back to the fact that I need to just trust my gut all along to make the right one.

I've come across many situations lately with many people on my decisions as a parent. Some for my decisions, some against, some neutral, some nothing to do with me at all but make me really think about my decisions (and the people's they are concerning). One particular one that struck a cord with me today was "Peaceful Parenting's" blog post highlighting an Old Navy onesie that boasts "Formula Powered". I usually agree with this organizations posts and opinions but I often disagree with how they go about displaying said opinions. Let me get one thing clear first of all:

I am a babywearing, non-circumsizing, inactivist, co-sleeping, non-vaccinating, attachment parenting, baby food making, cloth-diapering, mid-wife using, vegetarian, breast is best, breast-feeding, Mama!!!!! And I am very proud of these decisions!

Let me get something else clear:

I will never make you feel bad if you choose not to do any of this things I believe in.

Who would I be to tell you "you should be breast-feeding"? Or "You are hurting your child by vaccinating them?" There's no possible way that I can tell you you are living your truth wrong. There is a path for each and every one of us and we need to follow it. All we can do in this world is respect each other on our journeys. If one of these topics comes up, I am more than willing to give my opinion on it but I have realized I need to speak in a particular kind of way as of late. "I believe" works. Or "I feel" or "I try to do this". Perhaps if I was in the majority section of these topics such as vaccinations I wouldn't be able to keep this frame of mind. It is difficult to argue with established systems such as the medical system where we've been taught to respect opinions of Doctors and studies done. I have a different view on health than the majority, although I do believe this demographic is changing.

Back to the Old Navy Onesie post. It really discourages me that the simple term "Formula Powered" has caused so many posts saying "that is sad" "that is wrong" "I'm boycotting Old Navy" etc. A lot of babies are formula powered. And how is this different from the onesies Peaceful Parenting pushes all the time stating things like "I'm a breast-feed, intact, co-sleeping, lucky guy" (or girl)? To me peaceful parenting should be concentrating on issues of respect. Peace to me is respecting that everyone has their own rights. You can definitely post information but to have such a blatant bias slant on everything is just ridiculous. Someone commented on this post saying that "the breastfeeding mafia" is getting all rallied up which made me laugh. And it's true instead of trying to push what they believe to be best perhaps they should respect that Mom's have a hard enough time with their own little inner nagging voice and they don't need anyone else telling them how to be a "proper" Mom.

At any rate I do not ever think I know better about what to do for your child. I can only know that I am doing what's best for mine and hope you respect that. If you ask me I will tell you what I do and why even if my only reason is because it feels right for me. If this influences your decision then maybe you were ready to hear that bit of information and it was part of your journey. At any rate the paths are many and we each need to make that path towards our own truth, whatever that is and whatever "truth" means to you.

Baby-proofing...

It's official. My son seems to be a rocking horse. He is amazing! It's pretty scary though knowing he will be crawling very, very soon and soon after that just motoring around the house getting into everything! Egad! I must baby-proof!

The biggest step in baby-proofing: bye bye ferrets. I am very sad tonight. Tomorrow we take our ferts to their new home, their adopted parents. So sad. We have had them since they were 3 months old. Three and a half years we've been taking care of them and cuddling them. They were our practice kids. And now it's time to say goodbye. The end of an era.

I don't have much else to say tonight. We are taking Eli to his very first PNE. I have been to every PNE since I was born and more impressively, so has my Dad. So we are continuing the tradition with our little guy. We're going to get a three generation picture there so that's at least one happy thing to look forward to about this trip.

I just realized my blog is technically half over now. 6 months has gone by very quick. Oh and I never gave you his 6 month stats which were: weight: 16.5 lbs length: somewhere between 27 and 28 inches (95th percentile in height according to his Doc!) I think I already wrote that in my last post. It's late (for me!) and I've had a lot of stress so please forgive if I did. I promise for a more uplifting post next time but for now...

....good night!

Food Adventures!

Well my little guy is officially 6 months old (and 3 days to be exact). So 4 days shy of his 6 month birthday he had his first rice cereal meal. Food is already quite an adventure.

I've been known to be called a new-age hippie or the one I particularly like, a"clean" hippie, so I want my baby to start out on the best foot possible when it comes to food. As with all things parenting, food is open to A LOT of interpretation. The thing that quite annoys me about food though is the fact I've read source after source in the form of nurses, pamphlets, websites, books, etc., saying that it's so important for your baby's first food to be a single whole grain. Then after that you introduce other fruits, veggies, meats, legumes, slowly one food at a time to make sure you can pinpoint any allergic reactions. So I look at a sample of rice cereal and read rice flour (likely white rice), and a number of other ingredients including oils, skim milk powder, vitamins, and some sort of sugar in the -uctose family. I think, huh. Single whole grain. Well what the heck is the other stuff for then?? I get the vitamins bit and I think the oil is probably used for the vitamin absorption, but why is their milk when all sources specifically say no milk until after a year old. And why, oh why oh why, is there SUGAR in it????!!?!??!

Cheesed off, I of course look to the internet in making my own rice cereal. Well it turns out it's pretty darn easy. Grind a 1/4 cup of brown rice in a coffee grinder and add to a cup of boiling water and whisk constantly for 10 minutes on a simmer type heat. Done.

So since then I have also made a squash puree from a squash hubby chopped up last winter and froze. Then tonight I made some sweet potatoes. Eli has also tried mashed bananas. He loves it all, especially the bananas and sweet potatoes. I am loving this food thing, so much fun. I've always loved food anyway and even considered a career as a nutritionist even though it may have meant a slight change in my own eating habits, *ahem.

The thing I'm finding difficult is a set schedule for him to eat at. Maybe it would be easier if he was eating on a schedule too but I'm totally set on baby led parenting so he will eat when he wants to and I'll just have to work around that. Actually I'm having troubles with that in all aspects of life. Bedtime is another hard one. I can't seem to make sure we are home by 8pm every night. Part of me knows that he should be going to bed at a certain time and this will increase he chances of sleeping through the night. But another part of me wants to stay at my parents a half hour extra when my father brings home a Dairy Queen ice cream cake and you know, maybe have a slice (or two). I just wonder how people deal with routines and still having a life past 7-8pm at night? Despite me being tired enough to go to bed at this time there is usually at least something else I need to do if not things I want to do past these times, like writing in my ever so popular (lol!) blog!

I'm always so interested in where my blogging takes me, I didn't even realize I was thinking about schedules. I just came on here to tell you my success with food, complain about the discrepancies in baby food sourcing and tell you how freaking tall my 6 month old boy is!!!

Dr. Mac measured him at 28 inches which is the 95th percentile. I thought to myself, hey, pretty cool to have such a tall little tyke until I realized oh maybe that's why we keeping hitting his feet dangling off the end of his carseat so much. Crap, it's only good for another inch and then we have to spring for a convertible car seat. The one our friends have that we really like (because it's so skinny and we could have two of them comfortably in the back of our vehicle) is like $300. And our funds have been stretched rather tight these past two months. We need some extra cash now! Manifesting time..... Too bad I'm not ready to go back to work yet. I just couldn't stand to miss a second of Eli's first year if I can be paid (even at half wages) to stay home and be with him.

On that note, perhaps I should go to sleep while he is sleeping to have the energy to do it all again tomorrow. The smiles alone make every second worth it! I probably missed a million new things he has done in the past three weeks since I blogged but I'll have to mention them next time. Oh he can definitely sit on his own and can military crawl both forwards and backwards. There that should do for now. Goodnight!

Back to work?

So the person that took my position at work lost her father this week. So sad. All my heart goes out to her. So my work called me in to fill in for her. They asked me to work until the end of the month (the busiest time for a conveyancer) but we are going camping and have already booked sites and everything. So I am filling in for just over a week. So I'm working a total of 3 days this week and 3 days next week. It's all such a mess too. It's my least favorite time of year, middle of summer and tax time so everything is a struggle to find out who is doing what. At least I'll miss the closing day last minute mishaps! I'm going to try and set them up as best I can so the last two business days of the month go as smoothly as possible!

Anyway so I had to think pretty fast about what to do with Eli. LUCKILY, my angel of a mother is available to babysit. But Eli is nursing pretty often just due to the heat and to teething. So the first day (yesterday) I walked back and forth from work every 3 hours to feed him which wasn't really enough, cranky boy. Then I got home and decided tomorrow, I'm bringing him and my mom. They can set up in my office since I'm in my coworkers and we'll bring all his comforts from home (jolly jumper and play mat) and we went out and bought a portable crib. It actually worked out really good because I was not prepared mentally to be away from my little man so much this soon. I really needed to prepare I think. So this way when I can take a quick break I go and have a cuddle!! But I'm sure getting a taste of how hard it is to be away from him for when I go back to work. Don't get me wrong I like my job and I'm good at it. It definitely is busy enough that I can't think of him much while working but as soon as I hold him I realize how many precious minutes I missed out on. I just definitely know that I am not ready to go back full time.

It is unfortunate timing in our lives right now though. Hubby's work is really busy at this time of the year so he is definitely working 40 hours a week if not a few more. We're going on a nearly week long camping trip a week today so I'm trying to prepare for that, laundry, lists etc. AND the final commitment (and definitely the most exciting!!!) I am FINALLY starting my yoga teacher training. But I only got my books on Tuesday with my first class and assignment due on Sunday. The reading is really heavy, deep, spiritual and philosophical stuff. I have to read each paragraph like 6 times to get anything from it. Then I have to answer questions. The assignment is supposed to take about 3-4 hours but for how long it takes me to read the material, geez I don't know. I was up until midnight last night and this morning I was up at 3, 4, 5, & 6 with cranky teething Eli and then finally got up at 6am to get everything together (including myself!) for work. I'm glad I'm still doing my meditation on making your worries look little. I think it's helping. But a few weeks ago I started the mantra "I can do it all" to myself and I think I'm being tested in that theory!

I am bummed that I had to cancel my coffee date with my friend DL. DL and I have decided to write a recipe book centred around our Okanagan Farmer's Market. It will be vegetarian since we both are but I'm really excited because I've always wanted to be a writer (and a mother and a yoga teacher... it's all coming together!) and I think it's something that could really be a hit around here since the Farmer's Market is SO popular and so many people are moving towards eating locally and supporting local farmers. We'll just have to meet up when we get back from camping and make it happen :)

Anyway I am exhausted and I think I will take my little man to bed and I may just stay there. I'm hoping tomorrow goes very smoothly and Eli's gums are feeling better.

I can do it all.

I can do it all.

That's what being a mother is isn't it?

HUGS! And hard decisions!!

I forgot to mention in my last post that Eli has started to hug!!! I'll take him over my shoulder and squeeze him and go "hugs!" and he squeezes back real tight. It's the most fun ever!!

I'm trying (and failing) to establish a bedtime routine. My hope was to get him in bed at 8pm every night. I have not succeeded once in 4 nights. We just always seem to be out later. I managed to have him in bed (ours) by 9:10pm tonight. I guess that will have to do for now. I was also debating giving him a bath before bed because it sure tuckers him out. But he sure hates baths so I may get him more used to it first before employing it in the bedtime routine. So it's pretty much no different than what I did before except I'm trying (and again failing) to have it between 8pm and 9pm.

Ok onto the hard decisions part of my post. First of all: Vaccinations

I have been back and forth for weeks, months even, on this topic. My gut and heart tell me not to do them. I've always felt weird about them. I know many people say there is a correlation between autism and auto-immune diseases and shots and I would hate to risk that (though nothing is proven). I would also hate to risk him getting one of the meningitis diseases that can cause permanent damage or be the one kid in north america a year that gets polio. My biggest problem with this topic is the research factor. I have been quoted many reputable sources that quote studies that have been done. BUT who conducts the studies? It's the pharmaceutical companies that sell the drugs. A little conflict of interest, no? But they are the ones with the money to conduct the research.

Another reason I'm thinking not is the fact that I would not get a vaccination. Also I was trying to picture myself there with Eli getting them done and I decided I wouldn't be able to be the one who holds him and he associates with this getting done. That to me right there says it's not what I think is best for him. If it's what I thought was best for him I would be happy to be the one there. Ok maybe not happy but I would be able to do it at least. I also hate making any decision out of fear of what could happen. Sure he could get one of these diseases but he might not, there's a good chance he won't. It's the stuff that is in the shots that scares me most, what if it does trigger something that was already there but brings Autism on? It could come on later if he actually gets the disease but still he could have lived quite a bit of a normal life. Also in the yoga that I do they think Autism is actually a sign of a very spiritual being, a "crystal child". Lastly, I don't take pharmaceutical drugs, I feel there are other ways to deal with issues. So why would I pump my child full of preventative measures from a system I don't fully believe in myself anyway?

Every time I list my reasons I become more sure that I won't vaccinate.

Ok, hard decision #2 (as if I need another!) I am growing increasingly frustrated with our ferrets. They miss their litter box all the time and act up when we let them out of their room into our main living area. It's because we don't spend enough time with them of course, so it is essentially our fault but that doesn't make me any less frustrated when I have a teething baby on one hip trying to get a ferret out from inside the inner parts of our couch so they don't fall asleep in there with the other hand. Or make me want to clean up more poop! The biggest issue is going to be when Eli starts crawling. I can't have him being anywhere near ferret droppings and litter boxes. And the main room is where I will spend most of my time, that and the kitchen. Plus Yogi bites sometimes so if she is around Eli and he decides to grab her and I'm not watching every single move they make he could get bit! That would be terrible! It would basically make child proofing completely pretty much impossible.

The hard part. They are our girls! We've had them since they were kits, they are 3 and a half now. Coco was our one year anniversary present and we got Yogi two weeks later because she was so much fun. They were like our prep course to kids. They taught us patience and love like I'd never known before. I feel guilty beyond belief about thinking about giving them away. My mom embroidered them on Eli's baby quilt. They are our family. And I feel just completely rotten about not wanting them here anymore. We are also going to need the room that they live in. The bad part about our house is that it is long and skinny and our room is at one end and the other two bedrooms at the other end. So we would need to move to the other part of the house in order for me to feel comfortable having Eli sleep in his own room. I know that may sound weird but after you co-sleep it just seems weird to have them so far away and probably is weird for them too. Right now having him on the other end of the house in bed without me is really weird. I just wish I could have forseen this and not taken on the responsibility of these pets. I feel like I've let them down. They were so loving and playful and they just aren't anymore. I can feel that they don't feel as loved anymore. And when they get out they just look for mischief to get my attention because I don't really have time to play with them with all the other things I need to get done around the house. I just basically feel like scum today.

Hubby is undecided on whether this is the right decision or not. I think in his heart he knows it's the best thing for them. We have AMAZING people to give them too. The only problem is they live 5 hours away so it would pretty much mean we wouldn't really see them anymore, maybe once or twice a year. I just keep imagining giving them to this couple and having to leave and go home and how terrible I will feel. I know I am leaving them with the best surrogate "ferr"ents and 3 fuzzy buddies to play with. But at the same time it's like, will they miss me? I guess the truth is they already do miss me even living in the same house as me. At least this way they will get more love. Yogi doesn't adjust well to change though, I hope she'll be ok. Again I'm talking like it's a for sure thing but Justin is still undecided. I just don't see how we can make it work. And I refuse to keep them locked up in a room that no one goes into just because I can't bear to let them go. If you really love someone you are supposed to do what's best for them even if that means letting them go, right?

Well if it's one thing I've always known is that with kids comes certain sacrifices and definite hard decisions. It's proving very true today in my life. I think I'm done for tonight.

5 Months and Beach Time!

Well today is my little one's 5 month birthday. He is celebrating it by teething terribly unfortunately. I feel bad for the little guy, but he'll live and I suppose I will too. Do you think there is any chance of all his teeth coming in all at the same time so it's over, I think he has suffered enough per tooth as it is.

He is in his jolly jumper right now, bouncing away and today he learned to screech finally. I have to think of a dinosaur name for him. I already know a Sasha-dactyl and a Veloci-Jackson. Maybe an Eli-rex or Stega-Eli or a Tricer-Eli? Hmm... I will have to think more. Suggestions welcome!

The last remarkable thing he did that I want to mention is that I was sitting on the floor (bad me with my hip, oh well!) and he was sitting on my one crossed leg and he just stood up all by himself. He fell over about half a second later but he has the ability to stand up! I wonder if that means he could pull him self up on a couch or table too? Isn't that early signs of walking? HOLY CRAP! He's still trying to crawl though too, so hopefully he does that first. He's getting used to putting his knees down and pushing his front up. I would definitely guess he'll crawl before 6 months.

Anyway, I think I'll go for a walk with my little one. We have been having high 30's weather here and it's only 21 today which will be a super nice break. I'm burnt everywhere from a week of that. Oh that reminds me Eli went in the lake (both lakes) on Thursday and then again yesterday. He didn't like it but I think he could easily get used to it. After the initial shock he stopped crying but still looked quite concerned. He sat between my legs in the water and I kicked his legs a bit and he kind of liked that for a moment until a big wave hit him in the face. Water fail. Oh well, it was still lots of fun. Another great outing with "the triplet mommies" as my mom calls Amanda, Erin and I with our babes, each about a month apart.

Ok, getting a cranky boy here, needs a nap walk.

Shout out to single mom's!!

Man oh man. These past 2 and a half weeks have been pretty crazy. My hubby is new at his job and his boss left out of the country for 2 weeks. So these two weeks and the week before since he was rushing to train him how to do everything, he has been working insane hours, I think there was one day he worked 8 hours but there has been a lot of 12 hour days and working on weekends too! So I have basically felt like a single Mom lately. Fortunately, I have my parents in town who are AMAZING! My mom isn't working at the moment too so she's pretty much available when I need her! It's pretty amazing. So I am not complaining in any way. I am extremely lucky. I just wanted to shout out to the single mom's, especially ones that don't have the help of their family or friends so readily available! I can't even imagine.

I've loved how it's enabled me to grow in confidence and spend lots of time with my little angel! He is starting to chat and experiment with his voice. It's pretty amazing, hearing his little voice for the first time. He's learned how to jump in his jolly jumper before. Before he would sort of hop on one foot and turn in circles. He has definitely been nursing more in the hot weather. We are taking him to the beach to put him in the lake tomorrow with his BFF Cohen. It should be a fun night at the beach, not too hot, water should been a little warmer. He's also started to play with toys more and get more interested in books. He enjoys knocking block towers over that Grandpa makes.

His teething seems to have subsided a little bit, at least for now, that was a couple rough days though. Again, thank god for my mom being so helpful and giving me a break now and then. I weighed him on Monday and he was 15 lbs 6.5 ozs and 26.5 inches! He grew like a whole inch in a week! He's going to be a very tall boy! One of those boys that just picks up his little mommy.

Ok well he's been having a rather large nap and I think he will be very hungry upon waking up. I think I might even go for an evening walk with him. That sounds like a great way to end an evening to me!

Meltdown!

First meltdown in a looooong time! Not sure what is up with Eli but he can't seem to nurse or go to sleep tonight. I'm guessing it has to be teething but it was enough to bring me to tears of frustration tonight. It was strange being back there, I suppose I thought I was through with that part of parenting. I've been having such an amazing week otherwise. My hubby has been working around 60 hours at his day job as well as his self-employed job on the side so it's been all me. It's been really good. I re-fell in love with being a mom even though I never fell out of love if that makes any sense. I just found a new appreciation for it maybe? Anyway it was a good week overall. Eli has been nursing a lot more though, must be the hot weather. Oh well, go with the flow.

Well I think it's my turn to hold screaming Eli for awhile. I'm glad I got a little break though. It's nice to clear my head for a bit.

Oh a personal note, I started a new meditation on the first, letting go of fear and making your worries look very little. My sciatic flared up again today, very similar to what happened on the last meditation but it never went away. I really hope it doesn't last the whole meditation. I really need to work through these emotions but I start my teacher training in 22 days and I need to be able to do yoga or at the very least be able to sit on the floor! We'll see.

Goodnight!

My Top Ten Tips For New Parents

I know my friends will ask me for advice on parenting once they get pregnant. Therefore, I need to write down the little tidbits now before I forget them and can only think to say, "it goes fast try and enjoy every second of it," or something original like that. So here I go!

1) Firstly and most importantly there is no perfect way to parent. As long as you are doing what feels right to you and you feel you have researched the options enough to make you feel comfortable with your gut feeling then you are doing what's right for your child.

2) Don't compare your baby with other babies and come to the conclusion that you are a bad mother because yours doesn't do this or that like this other one does. Every baby is different and likes different things, matures at different rates, gains weight and grows and different rates, and hits milestones at different times.

3) You are an amazing mother (or father) and you should tell your partner he or she is an amazing parent as much as you can. Mom's especially just need to hear this reassurance often.

4) There will be times when you will feel depressed and maybe not even want to be around your baby. Again, you are not a bad mother you are just riding ridiculous hormones and dealing with an incredible change in your everyday life. Sometimes you will need a moment to yourself to collect your thoughts and be with yourself.

5) Try not to forget who you are. You are not just "mom", you are still a person. It may take a few weeks or months depending how quick you are able to feel comfortable leaving your child but you need to get out and do something you enjoyed before baby, yoga, working out, a run, a walk on your own, a sport, whatever it is make time for it. Even reading or writing, just as long as it's something for you.

6) Time flies by so fast and try and cherish every moment!!!! (What?!! It really is true!)

7) Cherish time with your baby, alone, but don't forget to spend time with your partner as well. Kiss them goodnight, goodbye, hello everytime! Give a back rub or a foot rub. Little things like that will keep the love going strong even when it may seem like you are never awake and/or functioning at the same time. Check in once a week on how maybe you can find more time for each other and what you can you do to make it happen.

8) You will get more kid's stuff then you every know what to do with!!! Everyone will buy you things even relatives you've never met. Keep the handmade stuff and don't attach too much to things you know you'll never use. Keep 3 bins: stuff he's too small for, stuff he's too big for, and stuff he actually wears. Try not to shop too much for stuff beforehand, babies really don't need that much anyway, especially if you breastfeed or co-sleep. If you want to wear your baby you may not even need a fancy stroller. Whatever works for you though!

9) Just try to stay calm. When your baby is upset it's in direct relation to how you are feeling usually. I once was in the kitchen chopping peppers and I cut my finger pretty badly. Eli was in the living room and immediately started screaming! You are more connected with this child than you'll ever realize Moms! If you need to pass the baby to Dad briefly, go calm yourself for a few minutes and then take baby back. Those couple minutes can make a world of difference.

10) Every day is different. What works one day for your child will be a total loss another day. Be flexible and willing to change and modify as they need it. Change positions while carrying, try different soothers, try different positions while feeding or burping, etc. Every day is different!!!

Ok I should probably leave it at 10. I think I'm out anyway, or at least I've made my point.

Eli is 4.5 months now, weighing in at 15 lbs 4.5 ozs and around 26 inches in length (he's so kicky that it is really hard to measure him!)

I am also pleased to report I am finally starting my yoga teacher training in less than a month. It's something I have wanted to do for years but am finally getting to after a brief delay to have Eli. It's going to be a lot of fun and something for me!

Sneak attack Tip #11:

All your baby needs is you and your love!

On that note I will call it a night!

July 7, 2010 - EDIT

I needed to add a really important #12

12) If you're going to breastfeed, it is hard and it probably will hurt, or at least if it does, you are not alone. All the books I read said, it shouldn't hurt, you're doing it wrong if it does. Well way to make a mom who's already in pain feel like crap! You're doing it wrong. You can get all the help and have the right latch and it could still hurt! BUT!!!! Do it for 6 weeks and it won't hurt anymore (unless you are unlucky and get mastitis/infection). Seriously, just stick it out for those 6 weeks and becomes a total joy and great bonding experience. I love it!

4 Month Milestone! - Co-Sleeping Diatribe

Well my little one turned 4 months old yesterday!!! His last weigh-in was Monday the 7th and he weighed 14.5 pounds and was nearly 26 inches. His weight has definitely slowed down significantly after 2 months.

What has happened since I last blogged? Well I'm glad you asked. He has rolled over a few times. He has slept 7 and 8 hour stretches. He has had super spit up days. He has had green poop (TMI I know). The green poop tends to be associated with too much dairy for Mom and the super spit up days go with too many legumes for Mom (beans, lentils, soy, peanuts etc.).

Eli's eyes are also turning hazel (haha I win one feature!). He is growing so much! He's teething more too, painful to watch and to deal with at times. He also had his first jolly jump on friday and the first time in an exersaucer at a friend's house (we bought a jolly jumper the next day). He also went in is baby wrap carrier front ways which makes him very happy because he wants to see everything! He also went in his stroller front ways for the first time at the farmer's market and also really enjoyed that. I was really surprised to see how many milestones come with 4 months, basically because they come with head control. So I guess it's not necessarily 4 months but it is in Eli's case.

I've had more sleep, less meltdowns, overall just such a better parenting experience. I have had more issues with my back and hip though which make parenting difficult I must say but I've had to get really ok with asking for help from others.

I mainly wanted to talk about co-sleeping today. I had a conversation with someone I'm close too and they kept warning me that I need to cut out co-sleeping as soon as possible. I've heard this from others as well. I really want to see the evidence showing that the longer you wait the harder it is. Most of these people don't know people who co-sleep. I always ask for an example of someone who had a problem with it. They can't usually give me one unless it was just going from in the crib in a room to in a crib in their own room. We plan on co-sleeping with Eli until our next child comes and then they can sleep in their own bed. If this doesn't work out I guess Eli will sleep with Dad and new baby will sleep with Mom in a different bed. Everything I read has told me that children who co-sleep are much more independent and secure and have no problems transitioning as toddlers. After stating this fact to the person I was speaking with today, they simply replied, "you read too much." I found this hilarious. Sorry for taking an interest in my parenting rather than basing it on simply fear of what "could happen".

I am not in any way saying everyone should co-sleep. Simply do what feels right and if you need reassurance read!!! READ READ READ!!! If it feels right to you it probably is ok but it never hurts to do your research especially if you have people in your life such as who I dealt with today.

Peace and blessings to all!

3 Month Birthday!

Well, I'm a week late on reporting his 3 month birthday but here it is.

His stats: 14 lbs and nearly 25 inches

He is doing great! In honor of his 3 month birthday he slept through the night: 10:30pm-5:00am, which may not seem like through the night for everyone but it was amazing for me! Unfortunately the very next day we think he started teething. He started having worse sleeps after that, more restless. He's also sucking and chewing on everything, drooling, eating less, etc. He did sleep a couple 5 hour stretches though the other night, so we're working on it and making progress!

Other developments have been lots more smiling, he does a little jig when he's all happy, usually around a diaper change. He's losing hair, it's rubbing off where he lies on it. We also went on our first car trip with him to the coast, usually takes about 4.5 to 5 hours and it took us about 2 hours longer because we wanted to have him eat, have a diaper change and some kick time. It was nice and relaxing though, we had nothing else to do, just going with the flow.

Other than that I would like to give a shout out to all disabled mommy's out there. I don't know how you do it everyday. My hip is out due to my lower back and I'm limping and walking with a cane. I'm working on it with a chiropractor and through my kundalini yoga. My teacher has me on a meditation that I think triggered this, releasing anger since depression is stored anger and I have been feeling depressed lately. So I have to keep it up even though I can't sit on the ground or cross-legged. So wish me luck! It's really hard not being able to sit on the floor and play with your child. Or use a cane and try and carry him.

So anyway I am being paged for some dinner from little Eli. Bye for now!

My Very First Mother's Day :)

It's very surreal celebrating your first mother's day. You're used to solely celebrating your mother and pampering her. But this is MY day too! So strange! My boys got me a beautiful ring with Eli's birthstone (amethyst) in it. I love, love, love it. I'm thinking for the next child I could get a pendant and if I have a third, earrings. At the end I would love to get a family ring but I want to make sure we're done and we're still undecided on the number of children we want.

So after my last post I posted on facebook about what the doc said and the overwhelming response was that's BS and trust your mommy instincts. So we have been stretching the feeds BUT I will not let my little guy cry. I play with him, make sure his bum is clean, give him the soother, or just some attention and if he's not interested in any of that and is still hungry then he gets fed because he's obviously hungry! It's been working really well. Yesterday he fed at: 8:30am, 12 noon, 2pm, 5:15pm, and 8:45pm. Pretty good stretches there. But the nighttime ones were 12:30, 2:30, 5:30, 8:00, that's one thing I hate about going to bed early, I get woken up three times and often have troubles going back to sleep. I did not sleep much between 5:30-8... maybe not at all. So I'm very tired today. We helped friends paint the outside of their house yesterday too and my neck seems to be off so that may be making me a little grumpy too. Oh well, hopefully I'm over it for a nice mother's day dinner tonight.

Happy Mother's Day to you all you Mom's out there!!!

Stretch the feeds?!?!

So we went to see the pediatrician today. As you may have read in an earlier post, when Eli was born he had a heart murmur that was checked out extensively and said to be gone. On Eli's 7 week or so appointment our family doctor heard it again so we were referred to the pediatrician. So here we are 5 weeks later and we finally got in. Side note: It was Eli's 12 week birthday today! So the doc checked him out and said to watch for sweating and excess tiredness when eating, turning blue, and I thought there was one more thing but maybe I'm mistaken. Otherwise, his heart murmur is normal and will probably go away by 12 months old. He's in the 10th percentile in head circumference and the 50th percentile in weight. He doesn't do measurements because he says it varies too much on who takes the measurement and how squirmy the baby is since they can't "stand up straight". So he is a healthy happy boy. But... dun dun dunnnnn. He says I'm feeding him far too often. He says that's how often you feed a two week old. He says I should be stretching feeds 4 hours apart to be normal for three months. In the words of Bart Simpson: Ay caramba! I feel a bit strange about letting him cry because he "thinks" he's hungry. It would be nice to have more time to myself during the day to get things done or to play with him and I'm sure it would help him sleeping through the night which apparently he should be able to do by now. I just think it's weird to enforce a schedule on your baby. I am going to try it though. If it gets too heartbreaking to hear him scream away I may break though. Just warning you in advance. He did go four hours tonight between feeds (counting from start to start) but he does always sleep well in the evening.

On another note the car seat sleeping is working out very well. He definitely has good naps in his car seat. Maybe it's cuz he's upright or supported around him, who knows but it works! He's also in love with his peppa bunny from Uncle Steve (my dad's friend). It is so cute when he snuggles him. I'm trying to get him used to sleeping with him during the day so he knows bunny time is napping time.

I've also been thinking of putting a bed time routine into place but I'm not sure about bathing him every day, I can see when he begins to crawl and get into everything but now it seems excessive. And reading him a story doesn't seem to mean much to him either. Maybe it's too soon for those bedtime routines.

He's sleeping again, has been for about an hour. I think I will wake him though because ideally I would like to get him on a schedule of being awake for about an hour before feeding at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and then just waking to feed 11pm, 3am, preferably cutting the 3am and maybe even 11pm one out completely. Here's hoping...

Anyway, always new things to try. Sweet dreams!

Transitions and Struggles

Well I had another tough day.

I'll get the stats over with first though.

At 11.5 Weeks, Monday, May 3rd, Eli weighed in at 13 lbs 5 oz and 25 inches long (my measurement but the weight was at the health clinic). He has only gained about 5 ounces in 2 weeks. Quite a slow down in growth but I am slightly relieved in some ways because by my calculation if he kept gaining the pound a week that he was then before 4 months he would be 20 lbs!!! That's big for a 5 or 6 month old!! So he has leveled off a bit but is still gaining and growing, yay!

So we are trying to transition Eli into being able to sleep on his own rather than being held always when he sleeps. We feel he'll be 3 months next week, no longer a newborn, no longer needing the safety net feel of being in the womb and constantly cared for. So we've been trying to put him in his crib for naps during the day. So far not working out very well. He'll just cry and escalate until someone picks him up. So today was rough for me. Tough love is not my thing and when he cries it breaks my heart and makes me feel like a terrible mother. Also I just don't know how to make him stop. I don't want to feed him every time because he'll learn I cry I immediately get fed. Maybe this was not the best time to try and transition him since he is in the middle of a growth spurt and eating every hour and a half. Last night was a little better, he gave me a stretch of 3 hours (10-1) then 3 (1-4) but then it was 6 and 8 and 10, 12, 2 etc. etc. Up until 5-6 and he has been sleeping since. He seems to like an evening nap. He'll probably be one of those kids that sleeps 6pm to 6am. Whatever, as long as I get 8 hours, I'm happy. I can't even remember what that feels like!!!!

So we think the key has been that he always falls asleep at the breast. So we've been moving him when he falls asleep which wakes him up and he doesn't go back to sleep, even though I know he is tired, cuz I'll nurse him for a couple minutes, he'll fall asleep quickly and then we start over when I try and move him. He seems to sleep well in his car seat though! That's where he has been sleeping for the last 3 hours. So we're going to try naps in the car seat. I was thinking maybe it helps him digest, I don't know. But he sleeps in stretches at night fine on his back. It's so hard to figure out. It's all trial and error.

We're wondering whether we need to transition him out of co-sleeping in order to help his sleeping habits. But my friend does co-sleeping and her boy sleeps fine on his own on the day and all through the night so it is possible. Maybe it's some insecurity in me that I need to change. I'm thinking now that we let him get into a deeper sleep before we moved him tonight since we were at my parent's house so we had no cradle. So maybe we just need to wait a little bit longer before we move him. Then I get my closeness and cuddle with him before I move him too, which I was missing today. So what I am going to try tomorrow is waiting longer before I move him after he eats and putting him into the car seat afterwards. Plus the easier he sleeps in the car seat the easier road trips will be!!! Bonus!!

Last night I slept in the spare room since Justin and I were both so tired on Monday all day. I figured one of us should get a good sleep last night. I sure didn't. But he was so helpful today that I wasn't even that jealous. I had a very depressing day. It was hard hearing him cry so much and not knowing what to do. I just felt un-engaged and so tired. I felt like a terrible mother not wanting to get up and comfort my baby. I was just so tired I guess. I feel very lost. I know a lot of people lose themselves in motherhood. I didn't think I would be one of them. I think it's just how our lives are completely different than a couple months ago. We live in a different house, neither of us have jobs and we have a brand new baby changing our entire daily schedule. Most people would agree even one of those changes are enough to change your life and get a little out of sorts. So anyway, I had an "I'm a bad mother" day. It would be nice if my hubby could tell me I'm a good mother every once in awhile. It would be nice to hear it. And not just when things are going bad, when things are going well. Mother's Day is coming up but I don't think that counts either. Anyway enough with the negative thoughts. I'm hoping this growth spurt is over or will be over soon and I can start feeling in control again for a bit. The feeding was definitely feeling natural and good for a few weeks, so getting back there would be great!

So I have a plan, as usual, we'll see if this one works. Such trial and error parenting is, hey? Oh well you gotta keep trying new things, even if they only work briefly, they at least make us feel better :)

11 weeks tomorrow!

Well at 9 weeks Eli weighed 13 pounds at the Health Unit. I weighed him myself at home by weighing myself and then him and I and deducting my weight on Saturday so at 10 weeks he was 14 pounds. He is literally gaining a pound a week! If he keeps it up he will be 20 lbs by 16 weeks which is just under 4 months. People go crazy when their baby is 20 lbs at 5 or 6 months of age.

What's new with Eli lately. He's fussing less at night. He's smiling at things I do. He definitely knows how to grab hair and hold on real tight! He can also bear weight on his legs for a long time and take steps. He took like 5 the other day towards me with his Dad holding his hands. He also has a thing for our couch, he just loves it!! It's all sorts of reds, greens, blues, and purples with tons of different designs. So he is really becoming so much more aware of his surroundings. He is squeaking and making coos and nahs and loves to just watch me. I just can't wait until the first time he laughs at something I do or say to him. He has sort of giggled since about 3-4 weeks but only when he's half asleep so I'm not sure how intentional it is.

He's in his swing right now. I try not to put him in there often but he has been quite fussy today. I think he was overtired but he wouldn't calm down and he wouldn't eat so I put him in the swing, turned on the music and he fell asleep. Swings are a great invention. So is his new wrap baby carried, maman kangarou. It's like the Moby wrap but it has a nifty pocket on the front. I can't believe that in less than two weeks he'll be 3 months old. Time flies by! That's already half the time that I was going to breastfeed at minimum. I thought that might be difficult to do for 6 months but it's just the first 6 weeks that are rough. I could definitely continue that. We really want to have another baby soon though. So we're thinking that after 6 months we'll stop protecting and see whether breastfeeding is a form of birth control for us since it's not always the case for everyone. Then if we get pregnant I will have at least done my minimum 6 months. But if we have to stop breastfeeding to get pregnant we'll find that out by the time we really wanted to get pregnant at which is when Eli is 9 months.

Anyway that may have been too much to share but it's the kind of issues that are on the mind of a mother in the first year and that's what this blog is about!

Eli and I are going to check out Mom & Baby yoga tomorrow! I'm very excited! I miss going to different types of yoga. I'll let you know how it goes!

12 lbs at 2 Months! & Infant GERD

Eli turned 2 months old yesterday and we weighed him in today at about 12 lbs!!! Wow! Pretty much doubled his birth weight. Way to grow buddy!!!

Other exciting things that happened in the last week have been:

* watching Eli turn his head from one side to the other in one motion while on his tummy

* watching him jump when I lift him into the air

* moving the snaps up in his cloth diaper to the medium setting

* finding out Eli can actually be alone for about 15-20 minutes in his brand new swing from my parents

The downfall of the past week has been Eli showing symptoms of infant GERD. He's been spitting up so much more and screaming when he eats. So immediately I got on an elimination diet. For two weeks I'm cutting out: dairy, chocolate, citrus, tomatoes, my de-caf mochas, carbonated beverages, & peanut butter. Then I'm slowing introducing them back in to see what the culprit is. Although I may have already found it because he was doing so much better after 3 days on the diet and then last night it all started again. I think it may be indian food. So I will cut out that for sure and see if any of the other things I'm adding back in cause any reactions too.

I tell you though the guilt I feel knowing I ate something and caused him to scream like he does and get so upset, unbearable. It hurts my soul.

So I will keep you posted on my progress on this! I think I am going to reintroduce chocolate after 1 weeks. It'll only be vegan chocolate anyway. Then I'm going to add tomatoes 3 days later, then citrus, de caf coffees, carbonated beverages, peanut butter and finally dairy. It's actually been kind of nice to be free from dairy again, a great excuse too. If I just can't figure it out from these I will cut out soy, wheat, corn and eggs which are also likely culprits.

Wish me luck! Wish me no more screaming baby!

5 hours and 15 minutes!!

Yes, that's right, our little bouncing baby boy bundle of joy slept from 12:30am to 5:45am last night. It was AMAZING! Here's hoping it continues and only grows in length. I could tell that lately he definitely understands night vs. day. At night he always eats for a shorter amount of time and doesn't freak out and get distracted as much as during the day. And he's having much more awake and not eating time during the day. It's really neat! He's finally figuring out that being awake does not need to mean that he needs to being eating. Woo who!!!

So that's basically my news for today, a nice milestone. Other than that he's been doing really good, not eating as much anymore so he must have increased my milk stores enough to satisfy himself. It's been a nice break. He was weighed at 6 weeks 5 days and weighed in at 10 lbs 6.5 oz! Big boy!!! Love him so much!

Ok off to the Brimm (my fave coffee place) cuz he's having a good snooze!

Guilt!!

Well I've been feeling guilty lately. I've been complaining that little Eli has been breastfeeding non-stop. During the day he'll breastfeed for an hour and then and hour later do the same thing. Basically whenever we try and move him. He'll feed till he falls asleep (if you try and move him before he does he screams). It's just crazy so I basically can't do anything all day.

My friend, also a new mom with a nearly 2 week old, produces so much milk he can't eat it all. I can't find any to pump at all to give myself a break because by the time he's done with the breasts (I have to do both every time cuz he feeds so long) I can't pump anything, nor do I want to sit and pump in my hour of freedom. She also manages to breastfeed and do things around the house. I do not understand. I guess she just has so much more arm strength than me since our babies are both the same size (9-10 lbs). I just feel so inferior to this woman. She and her husband fight over who gets to hold their little boy and I feel like my husband and I pass him off like "it's your turn now I need to do something for myself!" GUILT GUILT GUILT! It just makes me feel like a crappy mother and I took a comment my husband said last night to mean the same thing.... oops to him. I know I shouldn't compare situations but I feel guilty that I don't want to be with my son ALL the time and feed him whenever he needs it without feeling frustrated.

She suggested maybe he's not getting the milk fast enough so if I can supplement with a bottle it could help but then I need to increase my milk flow. So I look it up online, ways to increase milk flow, and this website I found made me go through this list to be sure that I needed to increase my milk flow and it basically told me to suck it up and be a good mom and just breast feed whenever he wants because it's the best thing for him. Yes I know this but really, do I have to sacrifice everything I do normally for this? I think their must be a middle ground. I don't mind breastfeeding every 3 hours, feeding for one with 2 in between but as soon as I hand him over to my hubby so I can go eat he's screaming. It feels like I should be able to leave him for an hour or so or even express a little milk so I don't have to do every second hour feeds all by myself.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little guilty today but I guess I know in my heart that wanting a little time to myself for periods during the day that it doesn't mean I love my son any less than my wonder woman mom friend. But I am still a little jealous of her. I love her to death though, my bestie!!! Ok anyway, surprisingly he has made it nearly 3 hours since FINISHING feeding. So it feels a bit weird to be writing this particular post when he's actually doing so well at this moment. So I am counting my lucky stars for this moment and trying my best to change my mindset to living my life for my little boy and loving every precious moment with him. I truly am completely grateful for this gift, Eli is my angel.

Vibrating happiness..... :)