I'm trying (and failing) to establish a bedtime routine. My hope was to get him in bed at 8pm every night. I have not succeeded once in 4 nights. We just always seem to be out later. I managed to have him in bed (ours) by 9:10pm tonight. I guess that will have to do for now. I was also debating giving him a bath before bed because it sure tuckers him out. But he sure hates baths so I may get him more used to it first before employing it in the bedtime routine. So it's pretty much no different than what I did before except I'm trying (and again failing) to have it between 8pm and 9pm.
Ok onto the hard decisions part of my post. First of all: Vaccinations
I have been back and forth for weeks, months even, on this topic. My gut and heart tell me not to do them. I've always felt weird about them. I know many people say there is a correlation between autism and auto-immune diseases and shots and I would hate to risk that (though nothing is proven). I would also hate to risk him getting one of the meningitis diseases that can cause permanent damage or be the one kid in north america a year that gets polio. My biggest problem with this topic is the research factor. I have been quoted many reputable sources that quote studies that have been done. BUT who conducts the studies? It's the pharmaceutical companies that sell the drugs. A little conflict of interest, no? But they are the ones with the money to conduct the research.
Another reason I'm thinking not is the fact that I would not get a vaccination. Also I was trying to picture myself there with Eli getting them done and I decided I wouldn't be able to be the one who holds him and he associates with this getting done. That to me right there says it's not what I think is best for him. If it's what I thought was best for him I would be happy to be the one there. Ok maybe not happy but I would be able to do it at least. I also hate making any decision out of fear of what could happen. Sure he could get one of these diseases but he might not, there's a good chance he won't. It's the stuff that is in the shots that scares me most, what if it does trigger something that was already there but brings Autism on? It could come on later if he actually gets the disease but still he could have lived quite a bit of a normal life. Also in the yoga that I do they think Autism is actually a sign of a very spiritual being, a "crystal child". Lastly, I don't take pharmaceutical drugs, I feel there are other ways to deal with issues. So why would I pump my child full of preventative measures from a system I don't fully believe in myself anyway?
Every time I list my reasons I become more sure that I won't vaccinate.
Ok, hard decision #2 (as if I need another!) I am growing increasingly frustrated with our ferrets. They miss their litter box all the time and act up when we let them out of their room into our main living area. It's because we don't spend enough time with them of course, so it is essentially our fault but that doesn't make me any less frustrated when I have a teething baby on one hip trying to get a ferret out from inside the inner parts of our couch so they don't fall asleep in there with the other hand. Or make me want to clean up more poop! The biggest issue is going to be when Eli starts crawling. I can't have him being anywhere near ferret droppings and litter boxes. And the main room is where I will spend most of my time, that and the kitchen. Plus Yogi bites sometimes so if she is around Eli and he decides to grab her and I'm not watching every single move they make he could get bit! That would be terrible! It would basically make child proofing completely pretty much impossible.
The hard part. They are our girls! We've had them since they were kits, they are 3 and a half now. Coco was our one year anniversary present and we got Yogi two weeks later because she was so much fun. They were like our prep course to kids. They taught us patience and love like I'd never known before. I feel guilty beyond belief about thinking about giving them away. My mom embroidered them on Eli's baby quilt. They are our family. And I feel just completely rotten about not wanting them here anymore. We are also going to need the room that they live in. The bad part about our house is that it is long and skinny and our room is at one end and the other two bedrooms at the other end. So we would need to move to the other part of the house in order for me to feel comfortable having Eli sleep in his own room. I know that may sound weird but after you co-sleep it just seems weird to have them so far away and probably is weird for them too. Right now having him on the other end of the house in bed without me is really weird. I just wish I could have forseen this and not taken on the responsibility of these pets. I feel like I've let them down. They were so loving and playful and they just aren't anymore. I can feel that they don't feel as loved anymore. And when they get out they just look for mischief to get my attention because I don't really have time to play with them with all the other things I need to get done around the house. I just basically feel like scum today.
Hubby is undecided on whether this is the right decision or not. I think in his heart he knows it's the best thing for them. We have AMAZING people to give them too. The only problem is they live 5 hours away so it would pretty much mean we wouldn't really see them anymore, maybe once or twice a year. I just keep imagining giving them to this couple and having to leave and go home and how terrible I will feel. I know I am leaving them with the best surrogate "ferr"ents and 3 fuzzy buddies to play with. But at the same time it's like, will they miss me? I guess the truth is they already do miss me even living in the same house as me. At least this way they will get more love. Yogi doesn't adjust well to change though, I hope she'll be ok. Again I'm talking like it's a for sure thing but Justin is still undecided. I just don't see how we can make it work. And I refuse to keep them locked up in a room that no one goes into just because I can't bear to let them go. If you really love someone you are supposed to do what's best for them even if that means letting them go, right?
Well if it's one thing I've always known is that with kids comes certain sacrifices and definite hard decisions. It's proving very true today in my life. I think I'm done for tonight.
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