Be prepared

I thought this title was appropraite due the re-release of The Lion King so recently and my topic of discussion today:  preparation.

I've had a tough past couple of days worrying.  I don't usually consider myself a worry-ier and try to avoid the practice completely but there is just something about pregnancy that takes over my mind sometimes and throws me into total panic mode.

I think it has something to do with the immense responsibility you feel as a mother carrying a baby, growing a baby.  You are the only one essentially taking care of this baby or even in tune with what is going on with baby so if anything were to go wrong, you would blame yourself. 

On Sunday night I felt baby drop into my pelvis.  That was about 31 weeks 2 days and at my midwife appointment yesterday, my midwife confirmed that yes I was correct.  I thought back to my other little guy dropping at 32 weeks and being born at 35.5 weeks and from that second on, every stretch, pain, kick, punch, or general feeling made me go "Oh my god!  Am I in labour?  Is this baby coming even earlier than my first?"

I literally worried myself sick last night to the point of nausea.  Then I had a good cry on my husband's shoulder.  He played a real good rock for me last night.  As much as I know all these things already like there's really nothing I can do about the circumstances and that everything will unfold how it's supposed to and that I'm not doing anything to cause my baby to be born early and/or unhealthy, sometimes you need to hear it from another source.  Not from your crazy pregnant brain.

Tomorrow is my last day of work.  Part of me is so exhausted and wants no responsibility anymore and part of me thinks what if I go to term and am bored for two months?  Another less proud part of me worries I'm not going to transition back to full time mom well, especially being so tired and cranky.  But I know this is the time to stop and that's just it. 

I am packing my hospital bag this weekend, just in case.  That will make me feel good just to have a bag with a nursing bra, post pregnancy clothes, and a couple cute onesies, diapers, soothers, and hats for new little guy.  Then I'm going to finish prepping diapers, try and sell my single stroller, and go through all the clothes I have and have been given and launder them.  You know, nest.  Like I didn't get a chance to last time.

So I'm just looking at basic all round preparation of my life and some preparation in my head of having two wonderful little boys in my care.

Like any Mom I am already struggling with the how to keep me alive, my identity other than "Mommy".  I'm hoping to try baking with Eli which will be a messy but fun endeavour.  I also want to do some painting, again messy but fun.  Maybe that's the theme of life, messy but fun, hehe.

Anyway, help me pray for little one to sit cozy in my pelvis for another 5 weeks 2 days or more :D

pregnant and homeless?

So lately we've actually had some good feedback on our house. The house we liked very much's owner decided she would be open to trading houses. Of course the deal she offered was not at all in our favor and we were going to counter and then our budget changed... A little frustrating. I could really see us living in that house, it was the only one that felt like a home so far.

Anyway then we get about two hours notice yesterday for a viewing which we accommodate by getting my dear sweet mother to evacuate our house while babysitting Little E, oh and could you hang all my laundry and make my bed before you leave btw?? And they put us on their short list and wanted to see it again this morning! Apparently we are in their top two they are just waiting for some kind of input from the guy's father. So now it's a waiting game, though I feel very optimistic. I said it would take 36 days to sell our house and it has now been 34. Plus we just spent the weekend at an amazing yoga immersion. Everything seems easier after we go to one of them. In fact it was the wednesday after we got back from my first immersion that I found this house which was exactly what I was trying to manifest.

The problem remaining with all of this is that we have no place to move into. We don't even have a possibility at this point. I am now 29 weeks pregnant. Last time we moved I was 34 weeks pregnant and a week and a half later pop! Out came Eli.

I'm starting to feel really nervous about early labor again. I know stressing about it won't help stop it that's for sure but I can't seem to help it. So much is going on and then I keep looking for signs because I want to be ready but then am I just creating false signs? Two nights ago I almost convinced myself that my water broke. Seeing as there was no gush of fluid afterwards, reality sunk in that it was just me worrying too much.

I can't believe how hard it is to work 3 full days a week, take care of an 19 month old, keep your house clean for showings all while your husband works 60 hours a week. Oh and be PREGNANT AND TIRED! Who's idea was this?

I'm definitely having heart burn, thank goodness for Univera's Aloe Gold, pretty much instant relief. I am having body pain every where. I am running out of room in my short torso and looking forward to baby dropping which I think happened around 32 weeks with Eli. So other than massive fear of early labor and body pain I'm coping quite well, not really any huge complaints. I just kind of wish I could have an idea where and when I can nest. I'm getting those urges and I just feel unsettled.

I think I'm buying a double stroller tomorrow. I really hope it works out. I've been struggling over this purchase for 7 months now. I thought I wanted a Phil and Ted's but then I heard they are not the best quality, especially in the wheels. Plus I can't find one cheap enough used. Then I thought maybe a BOB but I remembered how much I didn't like it at the store (the single) and how it won't fit through doorways. Then I thought ok I'll get one with the little hitchhiker on the back but they don't come with air filled tires and when you walk as much as I do that just blows. I kept thinking man I love my valco I don't want to give it up, maybe I'll just wear one baby and keep my valco, but I see the issues with that, the main one being that will only work for like a year. Then I saw a double valco for sale used. The woman claims it fits through her front door and all standard doors at 33 inches wide. It's even the same color as my valco, it's just double the goodness. I have never regretted buying my valco for an instant. Yes it was expensive but it was paid for by the end of Eli's second month with how much walking I did with it. So why wouldn't I just get the bigger version. PLUS, this is a newer model than mine (only 9 months old) and you can buy the hitchhiker attachment for a child to stand on the back so really it will even work with a third child. Gold. I'm very excited.

I also want to buy my cloth diapers (3 sets of the Bum Genius Flip's) tomorrow, which we can't really afford but I think I'm just dying to start getting ready and I can't do anything at home so this is as good as it gets. Then maybe I can feel a little closer to this little babe coming.

I'm so excited to meet this little person! I'm also nervous that I'm forgetting all the really hard parts about having a newborn and baby. The sleepless nights, the no time to yourself, the constant dependency. Plus I have Eli's needs this time. I know it'll all be great though, Eli is such a great help and will be an amazing big brother.

Anyway I think I need to get some sleep now, I didn't plan on writing this much but here I am. Yoga lesson plans will just have to wait until another day I suppose.