Be prepared

I thought this title was appropraite due the re-release of The Lion King so recently and my topic of discussion today:  preparation.

I've had a tough past couple of days worrying.  I don't usually consider myself a worry-ier and try to avoid the practice completely but there is just something about pregnancy that takes over my mind sometimes and throws me into total panic mode.

I think it has something to do with the immense responsibility you feel as a mother carrying a baby, growing a baby.  You are the only one essentially taking care of this baby or even in tune with what is going on with baby so if anything were to go wrong, you would blame yourself. 

On Sunday night I felt baby drop into my pelvis.  That was about 31 weeks 2 days and at my midwife appointment yesterday, my midwife confirmed that yes I was correct.  I thought back to my other little guy dropping at 32 weeks and being born at 35.5 weeks and from that second on, every stretch, pain, kick, punch, or general feeling made me go "Oh my god!  Am I in labour?  Is this baby coming even earlier than my first?"

I literally worried myself sick last night to the point of nausea.  Then I had a good cry on my husband's shoulder.  He played a real good rock for me last night.  As much as I know all these things already like there's really nothing I can do about the circumstances and that everything will unfold how it's supposed to and that I'm not doing anything to cause my baby to be born early and/or unhealthy, sometimes you need to hear it from another source.  Not from your crazy pregnant brain.

Tomorrow is my last day of work.  Part of me is so exhausted and wants no responsibility anymore and part of me thinks what if I go to term and am bored for two months?  Another less proud part of me worries I'm not going to transition back to full time mom well, especially being so tired and cranky.  But I know this is the time to stop and that's just it. 

I am packing my hospital bag this weekend, just in case.  That will make me feel good just to have a bag with a nursing bra, post pregnancy clothes, and a couple cute onesies, diapers, soothers, and hats for new little guy.  Then I'm going to finish prepping diapers, try and sell my single stroller, and go through all the clothes I have and have been given and launder them.  You know, nest.  Like I didn't get a chance to last time.

So I'm just looking at basic all round preparation of my life and some preparation in my head of having two wonderful little boys in my care.

Like any Mom I am already struggling with the how to keep me alive, my identity other than "Mommy".  I'm hoping to try baking with Eli which will be a messy but fun endeavour.  I also want to do some painting, again messy but fun.  Maybe that's the theme of life, messy but fun, hehe.

Anyway, help me pray for little one to sit cozy in my pelvis for another 5 weeks 2 days or more :D