I'll get the stats over with first though.
At 11.5 Weeks, Monday, May 3rd, Eli weighed in at 13 lbs 5 oz and 25 inches long (my measurement but the weight was at the health clinic). He has only gained about 5 ounces in 2 weeks. Quite a slow down in growth but I am slightly relieved in some ways because by my calculation if he kept gaining the pound a week that he was then before 4 months he would be 20 lbs!!! That's big for a 5 or 6 month old!! So he has leveled off a bit but is still gaining and growing, yay!
So we are trying to transition Eli into being able to sleep on his own rather than being held always when he sleeps. We feel he'll be 3 months next week, no longer a newborn, no longer needing the safety net feel of being in the womb and constantly cared for. So we've been trying to put him in his crib for naps during the day. So far not working out very well. He'll just cry and escalate until someone picks him up. So today was rough for me. Tough love is not my thing and when he cries it breaks my heart and makes me feel like a terrible mother. Also I just don't know how to make him stop. I don't want to feed him every time because he'll learn I cry I immediately get fed. Maybe this was not the best time to try and transition him since he is in the middle of a growth spurt and eating every hour and a half. Last night was a little better, he gave me a stretch of 3 hours (10-1) then 3 (1-4) but then it was 6 and 8 and 10, 12, 2 etc. etc. Up until 5-6 and he has been sleeping since. He seems to like an evening nap. He'll probably be one of those kids that sleeps 6pm to 6am. Whatever, as long as I get 8 hours, I'm happy. I can't even remember what that feels like!!!!
So we think the key has been that he always falls asleep at the breast. So we've been moving him when he falls asleep which wakes him up and he doesn't go back to sleep, even though I know he is tired, cuz I'll nurse him for a couple minutes, he'll fall asleep quickly and then we start over when I try and move him. He seems to sleep well in his car seat though! That's where he has been sleeping for the last 3 hours. So we're going to try naps in the car seat. I was thinking maybe it helps him digest, I don't know. But he sleeps in stretches at night fine on his back. It's so hard to figure out. It's all trial and error.
We're wondering whether we need to transition him out of co-sleeping in order to help his sleeping habits. But my friend does co-sleeping and her boy sleeps fine on his own on the day and all through the night so it is possible. Maybe it's some insecurity in me that I need to change. I'm thinking now that we let him get into a deeper sleep before we moved him tonight since we were at my parent's house so we had no cradle. So maybe we just need to wait a little bit longer before we move him. Then I get my closeness and cuddle with him before I move him too, which I was missing today. So what I am going to try tomorrow is waiting longer before I move him after he eats and putting him into the car seat afterwards. Plus the easier he sleeps in the car seat the easier road trips will be!!! Bonus!!
Last night I slept in the spare room since Justin and I were both so tired on Monday all day. I figured one of us should get a good sleep last night. I sure didn't. But he was so helpful today that I wasn't even that jealous. I had a very depressing day. It was hard hearing him cry so much and not knowing what to do. I just felt un-engaged and so tired. I felt like a terrible mother not wanting to get up and comfort my baby. I was just so tired I guess. I feel very lost. I know a lot of people lose themselves in motherhood. I didn't think I would be one of them. I think it's just how our lives are completely different than a couple months ago. We live in a different house, neither of us have jobs and we have a brand new baby changing our entire daily schedule. Most people would agree even one of those changes are enough to change your life and get a little out of sorts. So anyway, I had an "I'm a bad mother" day. It would be nice if my hubby could tell me I'm a good mother every once in awhile. It would be nice to hear it. And not just when things are going bad, when things are going well. Mother's Day is coming up but I don't think that counts either. Anyway enough with the negative thoughts. I'm hoping this growth spurt is over or will be over soon and I can start feeling in control again for a bit. The feeding was definitely feeling natural and good for a few weeks, so getting back there would be great!
So I have a plan, as usual, we'll see if this one works. Such trial and error parenting is, hey? Oh well you gotta keep trying new things, even if they only work briefly, they at least make us feel better :)
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