Guilt!!

Well I've been feeling guilty lately. I've been complaining that little Eli has been breastfeeding non-stop. During the day he'll breastfeed for an hour and then and hour later do the same thing. Basically whenever we try and move him. He'll feed till he falls asleep (if you try and move him before he does he screams). It's just crazy so I basically can't do anything all day.

My friend, also a new mom with a nearly 2 week old, produces so much milk he can't eat it all. I can't find any to pump at all to give myself a break because by the time he's done with the breasts (I have to do both every time cuz he feeds so long) I can't pump anything, nor do I want to sit and pump in my hour of freedom. She also manages to breastfeed and do things around the house. I do not understand. I guess she just has so much more arm strength than me since our babies are both the same size (9-10 lbs). I just feel so inferior to this woman. She and her husband fight over who gets to hold their little boy and I feel like my husband and I pass him off like "it's your turn now I need to do something for myself!" GUILT GUILT GUILT! It just makes me feel like a crappy mother and I took a comment my husband said last night to mean the same thing.... oops to him. I know I shouldn't compare situations but I feel guilty that I don't want to be with my son ALL the time and feed him whenever he needs it without feeling frustrated.

She suggested maybe he's not getting the milk fast enough so if I can supplement with a bottle it could help but then I need to increase my milk flow. So I look it up online, ways to increase milk flow, and this website I found made me go through this list to be sure that I needed to increase my milk flow and it basically told me to suck it up and be a good mom and just breast feed whenever he wants because it's the best thing for him. Yes I know this but really, do I have to sacrifice everything I do normally for this? I think their must be a middle ground. I don't mind breastfeeding every 3 hours, feeding for one with 2 in between but as soon as I hand him over to my hubby so I can go eat he's screaming. It feels like I should be able to leave him for an hour or so or even express a little milk so I don't have to do every second hour feeds all by myself.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little guilty today but I guess I know in my heart that wanting a little time to myself for periods during the day that it doesn't mean I love my son any less than my wonder woman mom friend. But I am still a little jealous of her. I love her to death though, my bestie!!! Ok anyway, surprisingly he has made it nearly 3 hours since FINISHING feeding. So it feels a bit weird to be writing this particular post when he's actually doing so well at this moment. So I am counting my lucky stars for this moment and trying my best to change my mindset to living my life for my little boy and loving every precious moment with him. I truly am completely grateful for this gift, Eli is my angel.

Vibrating happiness..... :)