Baby Haze

It's so strange how your life turns into a big hazy dream after having a baby. Thoughts come and go through your head like a drop of water getting lost into the big river below. I really need to start making lists as soon as I think of something.

Eli is going through a phase of I'm going to eat every hour or two and scream if this does not happen. In between feedings I'm going to make loud grunting noises every 5-10 minutes. This basically means I have not slept in a few days. I thought I had it all worked out but I'm learning quickly that what works one night will likely only work one night. I went to bed at 10pm one night leaving my hubby to feed with a bottle around midnight. Then I woke up for the next feeding at 2am-3am, slept in our spare bedroom with Eli out in the living room in his cradle with my video baby monitor on. I was in the next room so I could hear him without volume and glance at the monitor to see if I actually needed to get up. Then I got up for a 5:30-6am feeding and both of us went back to hubby and I's bed for a couple more hours of sleep and hubby did a 7:30-8:00 feeding. This was amazing and I felt so rested. Happened only once. Now I'm suffering big time with no sleep. My mom came over to watch him for a couple hours and I managed an hour and a half nap but my poor mom had to rock him the entire time in his cradle.

He's also all of a sudden having latching issues. I'm not sure why it's all happening at once but I'm feeling like I'm going a bit crazy. I can't seem to make enough milk to start storing for times when my nipples are too sore or for hubby to feed him and I don't get it. I pump befor or after pretty much every feeding during the day. And I basically breast feed every time he's hungry minus one maybe, usually the one right before bed when I'm going crazy from lack of sleep. I'm also feeling fat. I fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans but definitely not comfortably which means I don't wear them. So it's yoga pants all the time for me. I'm an "eat my feelings" type of gal and not getting any sleep and feeling sorry for myself equals me sitting on my butt all day and snacking. I really actually enjoyed being pregnant because I only gained a little bit of weight (a healthy amount) and I didn't have to feel guilty about my daily latte (decaf of course, even now because caffeine makes him go CRAZY!)

Eli is 3 weeks old today and I feel like things are slowly getting harder rather than easier. I complained in my facebook status about lack of sleep, actually you can hardly call it complaining, I simply wrote: "sleep would be nice", and I get all these parents saying that's why I co-sleep it's easy or get used to not sleeping, or it's worth it, stick it out. First of all, obviously I'm going to stick it out, what am I going to do quit? I love this guy, he could put me through complete misery and I would still love him more than anything. And I know it's worth it! Otherwise I would never have gotten into the baby making business. Secondly, I know I'm not going to get the sleep I used to but I don't see why I couldn't get an hour even on the worst nights, and I was just venting anyway so don't patronize me with silly cliches like you'll never sleep again! Thirdly, I AM co-sleeping, he's just been keeping us up all night with his noises every 5 minutes that I was trying some new things. Ok, so apparently I'm a bit touchy tonight, I know all those people mean well, I'm just over tired and emotional. Love it and let it go, right?

Well I think this blog is therapeutic, I am already feeling a bit better. I think since it's friday night I'm going to try out the co-sleeping in our bed again, if I have to be up it would be nice to have company and he doesn't have to work on weekends!

We're doing our newborn pictures tomorrow and I'm afraid that Eli is not going to be cooperative and is just going to scream the whole time. That could be pretty embarrassing so instead I'm going to hope for the best rather than the worst.

The last thing on my mind is whether or not to buy disposable wipes and liners for our cloth diapers. He will actually fit them soon! My problem with those is that they are as bad as disposable diapers but at the same time the liners will help the diapers last longer which is good. The wipes are just easier for going out in public so I may just use those for that, plus I got some from my shower that are more natural so it's more of a waste just to throw them out than to use them.

Ok well I am of course tired and thinking our son may be full for a bit. A girl can hope right?

Good night, with hope!