It was easier coming out on facebook this time since I only have like 60 friends left after pairing out anyone I hadn't talked to in the last 6 months.
But yes, pregnant. Again. A new journey beginning with another to follow in about 6-7 months.
It's amazing how when you let go of something you want really bad, that's when it comes back to you. I got pregnant probably days after writing the post on here that I was so frustrated after taking test after test each month and how I just needed to let go and accept that I may be one of those women who can't get pregnant while breastfeeding. Let it go and there it is. Amazing.
So after Eli coming on his own time I'm tempted to not put much faith in due dates. My belief is this baby will come around the beginning of November. I'm hoping for 11-11-11, what crazy good numerology for someone to have!!
I think it's a girl but after my baby spirit meditation that I wrote about how could I not? Also I'm sure that most people who have one gender the first time just assume it'll be the other the second time. We'll be quite happy with another little man.
This pregnancy feels different. With Eli I was attracted to blue, everywhere. This time I'm finding I'm attracted to pinks, purples, florals. With Eli I would not choose one for sure baby name and with this one I have a boy name and a girl name for sure. Obviously I'm open to the fact that if it comes out and it's not a ______ we will find something else. With Eli I couldn't eat from weeks 6-12 and when I could I craved potatoes and quinoa, with this one I have to continuously eat or I'm sicker than a dog and most of the time I can only eat whatever I'm craving which is usually junk food. This is very painful for someone who tries to eat healthy. Also I feel like I'm doing the baby harm, yet, I just can't eat anything else! I'm ashamed at what I am putting in my mouth lately.
I think I have been a little less tired this time but that could just be survival instinct. Or Univera. And I've been taking huge doses of Univera's Aloe Gold and that could mean the difference of why I can eat this time and why I couldn't last time. No real way to tell without a time machine.
At any rate, it's different this time, though I expected it to be. I think the main thing I've noticed is lots of mood swings and a lot of fear. I worry a lot. Things like, why do I deserve another when often I can't handle the one I have. Yesterday was an all day crankfest with molars so I was extra emotionally drained. Also with hubby working so much I think, I need more help with one, how are we going to do two? But what I have to remember is that just like the first one you get 9 (or 8 in our case) months to get used to the idea and figure out how the heck you're going to manage. 8 Months of training and prep work. I have time. I don't need to be worried.
So luckily I am finally beginning to get excited for this baby! It was so sad to try and want one so badly for 8 months and finally get my wish and then feel like I couldn't handle it and the time wasn't right. I am at peace with it now though, it's all going to be fine. Take a lesson from the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Shelly, and "DON'T PANIC."
That's right, one day at a time...so much will be new but you have done the baby thing once so much of it won't this time around.
ReplyDeleteI am here to help if you need it. We may need to help each other...I'ma true blue eastcoaster, we're very neighborly that way, ask and you shall receive...and i feel you on the molars!