I'll give you a little backstory on how my mood has been lately just to give you an idea the size of my epiphany. I have been depressed, especially with regard to money. I've been back at work 8-15 hours a week to help out during the busy summer conveyancing. I've been really tired too so some days have been a struggle to be super mom, you know her right? The mom that can literally do everything, go to work and come home with enough energy to cook, clean and play with her kids. Ok I wasn't even getting close to super mom, I'll be honest.
But upon looking at our budget for the month I realized I actually don't know how we would have paid our bills this month if I hadn't been working. Our money situation is so odd, I do the budget and I know exactly how much money is coming in and out and it's the same every month and yet some months we have more and this month we were not even close to making it. I did August's numbers and at one point we are -$941. Yup in the red for almost a thousand dollars. And I'm not able to use our savings and pay it back later like I usually do because we had to pay our property taxes... bye bye savings!
So we've been discussing options, maybe renting our house and renting ourselves something cheaper, discontinuing my cell phone, cutting internet, maybe getting Justin's parents to buy our house. Basically any way to cut back. And our food budget is already just $80 a week and it's not stretching out to how much fresh beautiful produce we want to buy at the farmer's market so that's been feeling depressing. Then our friends will want to all order pizza and we either come on charity or don't go. And forget about those nights that I don't want to cook, eating out isn't in the budget. As for personal money we both get $20 a week and I'm so torn whether to get a latte or try and save for something bigger. So basically just feeling really sorry for myself and our situation.
So this week on Extreme Home Makeover they made over a family home of a family who had less in their pantry than we do (and we don't have much) and had basically an unlivable home (ie heat only in one room). If that's not enough to make you feel blessed this family feeds 1200 kids a day from their kitchen because these children are going hungry otherwise. Their living room furniture they gave away to someone who needed it not that it matters because their living room is overrun with donation boxes of clothes, toys, etc.
One word comes to mind and has been such a strong theme for me this past week: compassion. I need to have more of it. I need to bring more of it into my life. I literally NEED to. I'm so drawn to helping and it's not too surprising considering the first name of my spiritual name is seva or selfless service. I just feel overwhelmed where to even begin. Volunteer? Start a new initiative? I am already quite overwhelmed with my own responsibilities so I think the key is just little things to start. Fortunately this coming Saturday I get to be apart of something really special at the yoga studio I teach at Purple Lotus Yoga. They are having a "Yoga of Compassion" workshop and all the teachers get to teach for about 15 minutes out of a two hour workshop and it's all by donation to a family that really needs the help. I think that is the key to being successful in life, compassion. Money doesn't measure your greatness or happiness it's how you spend your time, your actions of compassion to others. Just another lesson from the universe to just trust that as long as I am doing things that feel right to my heart and my soul, I will be taken care of.
How are you feeling blessed today?
been feeling really cranky too - i really relate to this post. i do try to remember "what can I give in this situation" and it helps me. I have grown up though living at times from food banks and not being able to afford a snowsuit, so thinking creatively about money and what you do have really helps. Like with the blessingway thing, sometimes your riches and resources are not about the $$
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