Still figuring it all out

Parenting epiphanies seem to happen a lot. It's like you're walking around stubbing your toe on the same items over and over and over until you want to punch the wall and then all of a sudden everything clicks and your outlook changes and your toes (and wall) rest safe. And this happens like every two weeks. You think you have the ultimate answer to all of parenting and then two weeks later you discover the new ultimate answer to all of parenting.
Oh well. It's all you have at any given moment so instead of the ultimate answer in parenting I might call it the GPS coordinates to your next stop. 

I have been having a really low time lately. I blame it mostly on sleep deprivation. My kiddos have gone through two colds and a stomach bug in the last month and it means someone almost always needs me at least a couple of times in the middle of the night. I've been averaging 3-5 hours of non-consecutive hours of sleep for months, at least since I got my Fitbit for Christmas. And anyone with children knows when they get sick they cough into your mouth or puke on your shirt or use your clothes as their kleenex. Try staying well with that. And then once sick, try getting better on 3-5 hours of non-consecutive sleep.

So yeah I'm having a hard time. 

My epiphany was that so what if I pace the floor at 2:00am and have 1,000 steps before anyone I know even wakes up? So what if I have to nurse Griffy 15 times a day because he is sick and will not sleep more than 15 minutes at a time. So what if in the 30 seconds it took me to pee the middle little decided to pour out the milk he HAD to have before I could use the facilities onto his plate to make a pancake island? So what if after being told 5 times a day since he was 5 months old my 5 year old still plays with my hair and ends up pulling it?

I have been blessed with three miracles.

I see people in life who waited till they were older and may only have one kid, I see people with fertility issues, I see people who had a baby with the wrong person or at the wrong time or with the right person and then lose that person, or people who have miscarriage after miscarriage or lose their babies late in the pregnancy. 
I have three miracles. I lost one baby but I've got three to hold. I am so lucky. I've heard the phrase you never regret the children you had only the one's you didn't have.

My life is hard work. Round the clock work. It brings me to emotions I can't handle some times. It makes me scream and cry and sometimes say things I regret. But all I can do is start over each moment and be grateful and do my best.

GPS coordinates set to grateful.