My Top Ten Tips For New Parents

I know my friends will ask me for advice on parenting once they get pregnant. Therefore, I need to write down the little tidbits now before I forget them and can only think to say, "it goes fast try and enjoy every second of it," or something original like that. So here I go!

1) Firstly and most importantly there is no perfect way to parent. As long as you are doing what feels right to you and you feel you have researched the options enough to make you feel comfortable with your gut feeling then you are doing what's right for your child.

2) Don't compare your baby with other babies and come to the conclusion that you are a bad mother because yours doesn't do this or that like this other one does. Every baby is different and likes different things, matures at different rates, gains weight and grows and different rates, and hits milestones at different times.

3) You are an amazing mother (or father) and you should tell your partner he or she is an amazing parent as much as you can. Mom's especially just need to hear this reassurance often.

4) There will be times when you will feel depressed and maybe not even want to be around your baby. Again, you are not a bad mother you are just riding ridiculous hormones and dealing with an incredible change in your everyday life. Sometimes you will need a moment to yourself to collect your thoughts and be with yourself.

5) Try not to forget who you are. You are not just "mom", you are still a person. It may take a few weeks or months depending how quick you are able to feel comfortable leaving your child but you need to get out and do something you enjoyed before baby, yoga, working out, a run, a walk on your own, a sport, whatever it is make time for it. Even reading or writing, just as long as it's something for you.

6) Time flies by so fast and try and cherish every moment!!!! (What?!! It really is true!)

7) Cherish time with your baby, alone, but don't forget to spend time with your partner as well. Kiss them goodnight, goodbye, hello everytime! Give a back rub or a foot rub. Little things like that will keep the love going strong even when it may seem like you are never awake and/or functioning at the same time. Check in once a week on how maybe you can find more time for each other and what you can you do to make it happen.

8) You will get more kid's stuff then you every know what to do with!!! Everyone will buy you things even relatives you've never met. Keep the handmade stuff and don't attach too much to things you know you'll never use. Keep 3 bins: stuff he's too small for, stuff he's too big for, and stuff he actually wears. Try not to shop too much for stuff beforehand, babies really don't need that much anyway, especially if you breastfeed or co-sleep. If you want to wear your baby you may not even need a fancy stroller. Whatever works for you though!

9) Just try to stay calm. When your baby is upset it's in direct relation to how you are feeling usually. I once was in the kitchen chopping peppers and I cut my finger pretty badly. Eli was in the living room and immediately started screaming! You are more connected with this child than you'll ever realize Moms! If you need to pass the baby to Dad briefly, go calm yourself for a few minutes and then take baby back. Those couple minutes can make a world of difference.

10) Every day is different. What works one day for your child will be a total loss another day. Be flexible and willing to change and modify as they need it. Change positions while carrying, try different soothers, try different positions while feeding or burping, etc. Every day is different!!!

Ok I should probably leave it at 10. I think I'm out anyway, or at least I've made my point.

Eli is 4.5 months now, weighing in at 15 lbs 4.5 ozs and around 26 inches in length (he's so kicky that it is really hard to measure him!)

I am also pleased to report I am finally starting my yoga teacher training in less than a month. It's something I have wanted to do for years but am finally getting to after a brief delay to have Eli. It's going to be a lot of fun and something for me!

Sneak attack Tip #11:

All your baby needs is you and your love!

On that note I will call it a night!

July 7, 2010 - EDIT

I needed to add a really important #12

12) If you're going to breastfeed, it is hard and it probably will hurt, or at least if it does, you are not alone. All the books I read said, it shouldn't hurt, you're doing it wrong if it does. Well way to make a mom who's already in pain feel like crap! You're doing it wrong. You can get all the help and have the right latch and it could still hurt! BUT!!!! Do it for 6 weeks and it won't hurt anymore (unless you are unlucky and get mastitis/infection). Seriously, just stick it out for those 6 weeks and becomes a total joy and great bonding experience. I love it!

4 Month Milestone! - Co-Sleeping Diatribe

Well my little one turned 4 months old yesterday!!! His last weigh-in was Monday the 7th and he weighed 14.5 pounds and was nearly 26 inches. His weight has definitely slowed down significantly after 2 months.

What has happened since I last blogged? Well I'm glad you asked. He has rolled over a few times. He has slept 7 and 8 hour stretches. He has had super spit up days. He has had green poop (TMI I know). The green poop tends to be associated with too much dairy for Mom and the super spit up days go with too many legumes for Mom (beans, lentils, soy, peanuts etc.).

Eli's eyes are also turning hazel (haha I win one feature!). He is growing so much! He's teething more too, painful to watch and to deal with at times. He also had his first jolly jump on friday and the first time in an exersaucer at a friend's house (we bought a jolly jumper the next day). He also went in is baby wrap carrier front ways which makes him very happy because he wants to see everything! He also went in his stroller front ways for the first time at the farmer's market and also really enjoyed that. I was really surprised to see how many milestones come with 4 months, basically because they come with head control. So I guess it's not necessarily 4 months but it is in Eli's case.

I've had more sleep, less meltdowns, overall just such a better parenting experience. I have had more issues with my back and hip though which make parenting difficult I must say but I've had to get really ok with asking for help from others.

I mainly wanted to talk about co-sleeping today. I had a conversation with someone I'm close too and they kept warning me that I need to cut out co-sleeping as soon as possible. I've heard this from others as well. I really want to see the evidence showing that the longer you wait the harder it is. Most of these people don't know people who co-sleep. I always ask for an example of someone who had a problem with it. They can't usually give me one unless it was just going from in the crib in a room to in a crib in their own room. We plan on co-sleeping with Eli until our next child comes and then they can sleep in their own bed. If this doesn't work out I guess Eli will sleep with Dad and new baby will sleep with Mom in a different bed. Everything I read has told me that children who co-sleep are much more independent and secure and have no problems transitioning as toddlers. After stating this fact to the person I was speaking with today, they simply replied, "you read too much." I found this hilarious. Sorry for taking an interest in my parenting rather than basing it on simply fear of what "could happen".

I am not in any way saying everyone should co-sleep. Simply do what feels right and if you need reassurance read!!! READ READ READ!!! If it feels right to you it probably is ok but it never hurts to do your research especially if you have people in your life such as who I dealt with today.

Peace and blessings to all!

3 Month Birthday!

Well, I'm a week late on reporting his 3 month birthday but here it is.

His stats: 14 lbs and nearly 25 inches

He is doing great! In honor of his 3 month birthday he slept through the night: 10:30pm-5:00am, which may not seem like through the night for everyone but it was amazing for me! Unfortunately the very next day we think he started teething. He started having worse sleeps after that, more restless. He's also sucking and chewing on everything, drooling, eating less, etc. He did sleep a couple 5 hour stretches though the other night, so we're working on it and making progress!

Other developments have been lots more smiling, he does a little jig when he's all happy, usually around a diaper change. He's losing hair, it's rubbing off where he lies on it. We also went on our first car trip with him to the coast, usually takes about 4.5 to 5 hours and it took us about 2 hours longer because we wanted to have him eat, have a diaper change and some kick time. It was nice and relaxing though, we had nothing else to do, just going with the flow.

Other than that I would like to give a shout out to all disabled mommy's out there. I don't know how you do it everyday. My hip is out due to my lower back and I'm limping and walking with a cane. I'm working on it with a chiropractor and through my kundalini yoga. My teacher has me on a meditation that I think triggered this, releasing anger since depression is stored anger and I have been feeling depressed lately. So I have to keep it up even though I can't sit on the ground or cross-legged. So wish me luck! It's really hard not being able to sit on the floor and play with your child. Or use a cane and try and carry him.

So anyway I am being paged for some dinner from little Eli. Bye for now!

My Very First Mother's Day :)

It's very surreal celebrating your first mother's day. You're used to solely celebrating your mother and pampering her. But this is MY day too! So strange! My boys got me a beautiful ring with Eli's birthstone (amethyst) in it. I love, love, love it. I'm thinking for the next child I could get a pendant and if I have a third, earrings. At the end I would love to get a family ring but I want to make sure we're done and we're still undecided on the number of children we want.

So after my last post I posted on facebook about what the doc said and the overwhelming response was that's BS and trust your mommy instincts. So we have been stretching the feeds BUT I will not let my little guy cry. I play with him, make sure his bum is clean, give him the soother, or just some attention and if he's not interested in any of that and is still hungry then he gets fed because he's obviously hungry! It's been working really well. Yesterday he fed at: 8:30am, 12 noon, 2pm, 5:15pm, and 8:45pm. Pretty good stretches there. But the nighttime ones were 12:30, 2:30, 5:30, 8:00, that's one thing I hate about going to bed early, I get woken up three times and often have troubles going back to sleep. I did not sleep much between 5:30-8... maybe not at all. So I'm very tired today. We helped friends paint the outside of their house yesterday too and my neck seems to be off so that may be making me a little grumpy too. Oh well, hopefully I'm over it for a nice mother's day dinner tonight.

Happy Mother's Day to you all you Mom's out there!!!

Stretch the feeds?!?!

So we went to see the pediatrician today. As you may have read in an earlier post, when Eli was born he had a heart murmur that was checked out extensively and said to be gone. On Eli's 7 week or so appointment our family doctor heard it again so we were referred to the pediatrician. So here we are 5 weeks later and we finally got in. Side note: It was Eli's 12 week birthday today! So the doc checked him out and said to watch for sweating and excess tiredness when eating, turning blue, and I thought there was one more thing but maybe I'm mistaken. Otherwise, his heart murmur is normal and will probably go away by 12 months old. He's in the 10th percentile in head circumference and the 50th percentile in weight. He doesn't do measurements because he says it varies too much on who takes the measurement and how squirmy the baby is since they can't "stand up straight". So he is a healthy happy boy. But... dun dun dunnnnn. He says I'm feeding him far too often. He says that's how often you feed a two week old. He says I should be stretching feeds 4 hours apart to be normal for three months. In the words of Bart Simpson: Ay caramba! I feel a bit strange about letting him cry because he "thinks" he's hungry. It would be nice to have more time to myself during the day to get things done or to play with him and I'm sure it would help him sleeping through the night which apparently he should be able to do by now. I just think it's weird to enforce a schedule on your baby. I am going to try it though. If it gets too heartbreaking to hear him scream away I may break though. Just warning you in advance. He did go four hours tonight between feeds (counting from start to start) but he does always sleep well in the evening.

On another note the car seat sleeping is working out very well. He definitely has good naps in his car seat. Maybe it's cuz he's upright or supported around him, who knows but it works! He's also in love with his peppa bunny from Uncle Steve (my dad's friend). It is so cute when he snuggles him. I'm trying to get him used to sleeping with him during the day so he knows bunny time is napping time.

I've also been thinking of putting a bed time routine into place but I'm not sure about bathing him every day, I can see when he begins to crawl and get into everything but now it seems excessive. And reading him a story doesn't seem to mean much to him either. Maybe it's too soon for those bedtime routines.

He's sleeping again, has been for about an hour. I think I will wake him though because ideally I would like to get him on a schedule of being awake for about an hour before feeding at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and then just waking to feed 11pm, 3am, preferably cutting the 3am and maybe even 11pm one out completely. Here's hoping...

Anyway, always new things to try. Sweet dreams!

Transitions and Struggles

Well I had another tough day.

I'll get the stats over with first though.

At 11.5 Weeks, Monday, May 3rd, Eli weighed in at 13 lbs 5 oz and 25 inches long (my measurement but the weight was at the health clinic). He has only gained about 5 ounces in 2 weeks. Quite a slow down in growth but I am slightly relieved in some ways because by my calculation if he kept gaining the pound a week that he was then before 4 months he would be 20 lbs!!! That's big for a 5 or 6 month old!! So he has leveled off a bit but is still gaining and growing, yay!

So we are trying to transition Eli into being able to sleep on his own rather than being held always when he sleeps. We feel he'll be 3 months next week, no longer a newborn, no longer needing the safety net feel of being in the womb and constantly cared for. So we've been trying to put him in his crib for naps during the day. So far not working out very well. He'll just cry and escalate until someone picks him up. So today was rough for me. Tough love is not my thing and when he cries it breaks my heart and makes me feel like a terrible mother. Also I just don't know how to make him stop. I don't want to feed him every time because he'll learn I cry I immediately get fed. Maybe this was not the best time to try and transition him since he is in the middle of a growth spurt and eating every hour and a half. Last night was a little better, he gave me a stretch of 3 hours (10-1) then 3 (1-4) but then it was 6 and 8 and 10, 12, 2 etc. etc. Up until 5-6 and he has been sleeping since. He seems to like an evening nap. He'll probably be one of those kids that sleeps 6pm to 6am. Whatever, as long as I get 8 hours, I'm happy. I can't even remember what that feels like!!!!

So we think the key has been that he always falls asleep at the breast. So we've been moving him when he falls asleep which wakes him up and he doesn't go back to sleep, even though I know he is tired, cuz I'll nurse him for a couple minutes, he'll fall asleep quickly and then we start over when I try and move him. He seems to sleep well in his car seat though! That's where he has been sleeping for the last 3 hours. So we're going to try naps in the car seat. I was thinking maybe it helps him digest, I don't know. But he sleeps in stretches at night fine on his back. It's so hard to figure out. It's all trial and error.

We're wondering whether we need to transition him out of co-sleeping in order to help his sleeping habits. But my friend does co-sleeping and her boy sleeps fine on his own on the day and all through the night so it is possible. Maybe it's some insecurity in me that I need to change. I'm thinking now that we let him get into a deeper sleep before we moved him tonight since we were at my parent's house so we had no cradle. So maybe we just need to wait a little bit longer before we move him. Then I get my closeness and cuddle with him before I move him too, which I was missing today. So what I am going to try tomorrow is waiting longer before I move him after he eats and putting him into the car seat afterwards. Plus the easier he sleeps in the car seat the easier road trips will be!!! Bonus!!

Last night I slept in the spare room since Justin and I were both so tired on Monday all day. I figured one of us should get a good sleep last night. I sure didn't. But he was so helpful today that I wasn't even that jealous. I had a very depressing day. It was hard hearing him cry so much and not knowing what to do. I just felt un-engaged and so tired. I felt like a terrible mother not wanting to get up and comfort my baby. I was just so tired I guess. I feel very lost. I know a lot of people lose themselves in motherhood. I didn't think I would be one of them. I think it's just how our lives are completely different than a couple months ago. We live in a different house, neither of us have jobs and we have a brand new baby changing our entire daily schedule. Most people would agree even one of those changes are enough to change your life and get a little out of sorts. So anyway, I had an "I'm a bad mother" day. It would be nice if my hubby could tell me I'm a good mother every once in awhile. It would be nice to hear it. And not just when things are going bad, when things are going well. Mother's Day is coming up but I don't think that counts either. Anyway enough with the negative thoughts. I'm hoping this growth spurt is over or will be over soon and I can start feeling in control again for a bit. The feeding was definitely feeling natural and good for a few weeks, so getting back there would be great!

So I have a plan, as usual, we'll see if this one works. Such trial and error parenting is, hey? Oh well you gotta keep trying new things, even if they only work briefly, they at least make us feel better :)

11 weeks tomorrow!

Well at 9 weeks Eli weighed 13 pounds at the Health Unit. I weighed him myself at home by weighing myself and then him and I and deducting my weight on Saturday so at 10 weeks he was 14 pounds. He is literally gaining a pound a week! If he keeps it up he will be 20 lbs by 16 weeks which is just under 4 months. People go crazy when their baby is 20 lbs at 5 or 6 months of age.

What's new with Eli lately. He's fussing less at night. He's smiling at things I do. He definitely knows how to grab hair and hold on real tight! He can also bear weight on his legs for a long time and take steps. He took like 5 the other day towards me with his Dad holding his hands. He also has a thing for our couch, he just loves it!! It's all sorts of reds, greens, blues, and purples with tons of different designs. So he is really becoming so much more aware of his surroundings. He is squeaking and making coos and nahs and loves to just watch me. I just can't wait until the first time he laughs at something I do or say to him. He has sort of giggled since about 3-4 weeks but only when he's half asleep so I'm not sure how intentional it is.

He's in his swing right now. I try not to put him in there often but he has been quite fussy today. I think he was overtired but he wouldn't calm down and he wouldn't eat so I put him in the swing, turned on the music and he fell asleep. Swings are a great invention. So is his new wrap baby carried, maman kangarou. It's like the Moby wrap but it has a nifty pocket on the front. I can't believe that in less than two weeks he'll be 3 months old. Time flies by! That's already half the time that I was going to breastfeed at minimum. I thought that might be difficult to do for 6 months but it's just the first 6 weeks that are rough. I could definitely continue that. We really want to have another baby soon though. So we're thinking that after 6 months we'll stop protecting and see whether breastfeeding is a form of birth control for us since it's not always the case for everyone. Then if we get pregnant I will have at least done my minimum 6 months. But if we have to stop breastfeeding to get pregnant we'll find that out by the time we really wanted to get pregnant at which is when Eli is 9 months.

Anyway that may have been too much to share but it's the kind of issues that are on the mind of a mother in the first year and that's what this blog is about!

Eli and I are going to check out Mom & Baby yoga tomorrow! I'm very excited! I miss going to different types of yoga. I'll let you know how it goes!