I suck at this

So I still have yet to spend a full work day alone with my boys.  On Thursday I did an hour and a half in the morning alone and 2 hours in the afternoon alone.  They were both terrible and painful.  The afternoon portion I screamed so hard my vocal cords hurt that evening, I punched and kicked a wall, I locked myself in the bathroom, I repeatedly chanted "I suck at this" while crying at the kitchen table.

When people say that transitioning from one kid to two is hard, they are underestimating.  The word hard just doesn't seem to quite encompass the feelings you will go through.

I know it will get easier, you don't need to remind me.

I also know I don't really "suck at this" and I'm not the "worst mother in the world".

But when your toddler has been screaming for close to two hours with barely even minutes between tantrums it's really easy to think these things.

Ozzy is sleeping less on his own.  He wouldn't take a soother at all up until yesterday and now he will take it briefly before spitting it out.  Progress!

We are also trying to get him to sleep on his own more by getting him full and cozy then putting him down to sleep and if he fusses a bit we'll leave him.  If it turns into crying we pick him up for a cuddle and some love and then after a few minutes try putting him down again.  It's working well actually.

My back doesn't love carrying him around all day so that is the other option considering I still have a toddler to play with and take care of.  

I'm actually going in to do some work tomorrow at my old job.  They need some help with catch up and we could really use the money!  I've embarked on an adventure that I've always wanted to do.  The money would probably be better spent on groceries considering money is so tight but this is the first time the timing has felt right.  I am going to do the Vancouver Sun Run!  I know it's only 10 km but I'm really excited about it!  I've always felt the healthiest when I run (not to mention the slimmest).  I find running very meditative as well.  In the past when I've wanted to train to do the Sun Run I have been advised not to by a health professional, or had an injury, or been pregnant.  This time I'm good to go!  I'm going to do the clinic (hence the cost) because I feel I need that weekly commitment to get me to go the distance, also to help me so I train gradually and don't hurt myself.  I'm wondering if they expect me to train outside of once a week because that may prove more difficult.  One thing I've been realizing is that it's bloody cold outside!  But I start in 5 weeks!  I think I am most excited because this is something all for me.

I've also signed Eli and I up for a couple cheap courses through the community centre to have some special Eli and Mommy time.  I'm really looking forward to the new year.  I was really nervous to have a baby during the coldest months of the year when walking isn't always an option to get out of the house.  But I probably spent as much on decaf ice coffees on those walks as I will on these programs anyway.

2012 is going to be a big year though.  I have to finish my yoga training by the end of the year so I need to do my specialty project and practicum, practical exam and written exam to finish that.  I also want to teach 2 yoga classes a week.  I'm also going to be working here and there.  With Sun Run training and my Eli & Mommy time that will be a full schedule.

Well my mommy is over helping and I had to steal this opportunity to blog.  Baby is still sleeping so I think I will also try and eat!  Life is good, I love my family!  I don't suck at this, I just need practice.