ONE!

My little man is one year old. Never again will I experience a day of the year that I have not had a son again. Not true actually, next year when February 29th wakes up from it's four year sleep I will get to experience another day for the first time with my baby boy. But I think you get the idea.

It's taken me nearly a week to write this post. I kept thinking to myself all day, I need to blog on his birthday, and trying to find time. Finally I gave up and said to myself, "really?" I'm going to stop being with my son in order to write about him? So instead, I just thoroughly enjoyed being around my baby boy on his birthday and on top of that celebrated MY "birth" day! Women don't nearly do this enough! It technically is their birth day too. It was a lot of work! So I truly tried to remember and savour each detail. I gave little Mister E a huge hug and kiss and held him at his birth time 7:59am, as I was not able to when he was actually born. I think it was at least 5-10 minutes before I actually got to hold my son. Ridiculous, now that I look back on it. If I am able to I will be doing a home birth next time. If I can't and end up in the hospital they will need to perform any tests they need to from his position on my chest as I hug my baby! But I digress...

Still no official weight or height, it's difficult to get to the health unit with Justin at work all day. Plus other than to get the official height and weight, I have no desire to go there. The nurses joke about "poking" my baby with shots and utter things like "oh not today? Well we'll get you next time." It's a little disturbing to me actually. But I weighed him on our scale and it said 24 lbs. I measured him myself as well and got 30.5 inches. He hasn't grown much (or at all actually) since he started walking.

My little guy is still not saying too much. Works on duck (more like duh!) Says Mamamama when being fed or wanting to be fed. Says Dadadada all the time! And is working on Nanana which we think is because he wants a banana, little monkey. At any rate, I'm pretty sure my prediction that he will be a man of few words will be true. Few words, but profound ones.

We had a birthday party for the monkey with his buddies a few days before his birthday. It started out with pizza eating and crawling, turned into cupcake eating in their underwear, and ended with a group bath. How many people could get away with THAT kind of birthday?

His second celebration was on his birthday with both sets of grandparents and Uncle Monkey. It was perfect, he enjoyed his favorite meal (lasagna and garlic bread) and in true monkey form ate the banana garnish before even thinking about touching the Funky Monkey cake my mom made and I designed (peanut butter cake, banana cake and chocolate icing all together!)

His last birthday party is this Sunday with our yoga community. It will be a potluck with a meditation and I'm really looking forward to it. Our Siri Simran or "Great Meditator" will feel right at home.

Project Minimalize Update:

Well we start Eli's RESP tomorrow And we've raised $335 with $147 still to come! A great start to his education. We may do this every year for a contribution!

Project has come to a bit of a stand still. Lots of items that are waiting to be picked up by out of town buyers. Quite a few things that no one wanted. And a closet that I'm still not even sure where to begin on. It's mainly filled with books, hobbies, computers we need to get data off of before trashing.

I did go through my clothes, again! It's kind of like a drug to me know. I was feeling down the other day so I did another cut and got all high again. I can't do anymore until I figure out what kind of job I am going back to.

Job update!: No news really. Lots of leads, no actual offers though. I got fairly discouraged a few nights ago (hence my re-minimalizing my clothes) but after an amazing get together with the women of my kundalini yoga group for the full moon last night, I feel refreshed with a renewed sense of faith and trust. Everything will come to me when it's ready to. I'm getting a lot of signs to wait a month and although waiting a month on paper is devastating to our finances, I just can't think about that right now. Trust trust trust!

The only other update I can think of to tell you is that I am still not pregnant yet. I thought for sure I would be by the time Eli was one. I even was so sure I was a few weeks back I bought him a 'Big Brother' tshirt and had these elaborate plans to use it as a birthday gift and surprise the grandparents at Eli's party. I even bought a belly band for pregnancy off baby steals. So finding out I wasn't again, and wasting another $10 on a pregnancy test (I think we're up to 7 taken in the last 7 months) was really a blow. Crushing actually. But again I've found another renewed sense of trust. Even if I'm only going to be blessed with one child I am happy. He is perfect for us. Maybe he's not ready to be a big brother quite yet. There are many days that I think "Why do I want another child, I can't even @*&$#%ing handle this one?!!" I have to get over the fact that I think I know what's best for me or my family. I have been dealing with a lot of issues as I return to my "normal" cycle. My hormones have been super crazy and lots of crazy pregnancy like symptoms (which has added to the am I pregnant drama in my head!). This has been very difficult to handle (and other around me to handle me as well). I'm trying to adjust my diet to help them along back to normal territory. It's really best for everyone involved ;)

Last but not least, he's been working on tooth #5 for about a week now. *rolls eyes

Enough said.

And at that I bid you goodnight. A lengthy, informative update. Hopefully you enjoyed it. And I'm going to leave you by thanking my little man, for turning one and for being born in general. Without him this blog would not exist and without him I would have not grown as much as I have and come to appreciate the world as much as I have. I love you little man. Happy Birthday again!

The J-O-B

Well another interesting day in my life. Nothing on minimalizing today, well traditionally speaking. I found out I do not have a job to go back to on February 14th.

Backstory first.

In December I confirmed I would be returning to work and when to my employer. He told me that he didn't have a position for me and I told him I need work as of February. I panicked and phoned the other notary in town and spoke with her. She wanted to interview me (and likely hire me based on she knows my work and track record from how closely all notaries and lawyers work in this town) BUT wanted to clear it with my boss first in order to have no weirdness between them since as stated before we all work closely and help each other out in the industry.

I phone my boss to discuss it and he just starts talking on about how he doesn't want to lose me and what office he'll put me in and how I may have to do some reception before I can say anything. I'm confused. I talk with the other woman who works there and we mutually decide we are ok with sharing conveyance and reception duties evenly and I would be coming back 6 hours a day. She talks to my boss about this and he says I can offer you 4 hours a day so I accept.

I should have seen the signs since every time lately I run into my boss he begins by saying how slow they are. He never full on says I don't have a position though which keeps me thinking it's plans as usual, especially since every time I remind him of my return date.

So I go in today, 10 days before my return date and he tells me there is no work and when there is he can bring me back. I tell him I have mortgage payments to make and can't wait for that. So that's it, I'm not going back.

A meltdown and a breakdown later I'm phoning the other notary again, scrambling. She will phone me later. She phones me back and says I would have hired you had we sorted this in December but I decided to work things out with what I had and now I'm committed to that, not bringing another person on.

By this time luckily I had time to have everything sink in. All day I was bombarded with "that's not fair" and "employment standards act" and "against the law". Everyone was more mad than I was. To be honest I was two things: frustrated and hurt. Frustrated that I could have had this sorted two months ago and hurt because I have always been such a good employee who has helped my boss in any way I could and bent over backwards in some cases (like when I was supposed to have a week off to plan everything leading up to my friend's wedding and ridiculously morning sick or coming in on my maternity leave to help out EVERY time he asked). Hurt because he didn't seem to value me enough as an employee or person to put aside selfishness and let me go in December rather than string me along to the last second and leave me to sort it out. But to be honest I am overall relieved. It can be a very stressful, toxic environment at times and I try hard to keep that out of my life, generally speaking. So everyone that was telling me to fight it and file a complaint so he'll settle, first of all, I appreciate your concern and love for me SO much. BUT that's just not me. I am not doing it not because I'm letting him walk all over me or I don't care that he is being blatantly against the law and has said a few comments that would definitely get him in trouble. I am not proceeding because that path is just all negative. I would end up dwelling on this unfortunate situation for much longer than necessary and the negative energy around it would just eat away at my spirit. I try to live my life with love at the root of all proceedings and that does not fit in with filing proceedings against him.

I am taking this as a sign. I am not meant to be doing this anymore. Maybe if the other notary had phoned me and said, "oh my god, I need a conveyancer so much. I'll pay you whatever wage you want!" Then maybe I was meant to continue. I sat and meditated for awhile on what I wanted to do. I didn't really get anything from it. I did our budget numbers next. If we don't pay anything other than minimum payments on our credit cards, have no personal money and put nothing away in savings I believe we could manage me staying home. That doesn't really appeal to me so much though. Then I thought more about what I want to do and one name kept coming into my head. It's a yoga store here in town called Fruv. I love the ladies who work there, I love the clothes and what they stand for, and it's as close to my yoga teacher career as you can be without teaching yoga. It's the right path for me. It's a big pay decrease but I'm ok with that. I need to stop thinking of the J-O-B and start thinking more about spending my time in ways that is good for my spirit rather than just for our chequing account. They make everything in Canada, they use renewable resources such as bamboo for a lot of their clothes, and they quite often hold charity events. They represent healthy and fun living. These are my people. The only worry if I get hired? My paycheque being reinvested in the store immediately. I sense a lesson in self-control coming. Oh well it will go quite well with my minimalist journey :D

At any rate, whether I'm meant to work at Fruv or somewhere else or not at all, I know I'm on the right path by putting my soul's needs before material needs.

Eli's Birthday Fundraiser/Telethon/Online Garage Sale Extravaganza!

So I'm nearly a week into my minimalization journey. What a road it's been so far. Hubby and I are seriously both on such a high from releasing ourselves from these possessions. I read or heard once how much of our energy having possessions takes and I never really thought about that before but it makes sense. You are conscious of this possession and where it is and what it "means" to you so of course that takes energy to think about that each time you look at it.

So I decided I didn't really want to give away our possessions because we wanted them to go to homes that really needed and would respect them, but I didn't want people to think we were just greedy so I remembered one of our 2011 goals to start an RESP for Eli. Thus the Eli RESP fundraiser was born meaning all the money we make from selling what we don't use is going towards Eli's education fund, something which he hopefully WILL use someday.

This idea has been crazy successful. I just posted an album of pictures on facebook and in this past almost week I have made $240 for Eli's education fund. I'm not too surprised because we have always invested in pretty good things and often de-clutter (something much different from what we are doing right now mind you). We have good things for cheap prices, but the amazing response from friends and family has been such a reminder of what a beautiful thing community is. The furthest purchaser's location thus far? Edmonton. My cousin wants my No Doubt Tshirt so bad she's willing to pay the $2 for the shirt plus shipping. Love you Ms. Scott!!!!

Also I have inspired three more friends to do the same thing. Every time I talk to people about this little journey we're on I feel a little silly because I think most people don't get it but as I start talking about it more I think my assertiveness and enthusiasm about it actually ends up inspiring them. I'm just not happy living a life by someone else's standards and my favorite saying is: A leader doesn't say "follow me", he/she says "I'll go first."

You can't be afraid to get out there and be you. If that means selling your couch and hearing "what are you going to sit on?!" a few times daily, then so be it. If being me means being me with less things I am happy with that. I know what's important to me, I don't need to keep things to have my memories and that doesn't make me unsentimental or unfeeling, it simply means I am making room in my life for the things that matter RIGHT NOW. Making room for me spending more time and energy with my family. And I'm not saying that if you keep mementos and souvenirs that means you don't want to spend time with your family, it simply means this is the path I'm on and I accept that it might be different from yours. Or it might not be. We'll see I guess.

Less is more UPDATE

So I did my closet today. I was ruthless. I kept enough work clothes for 10 days which means 5 shirts, 4 dresses, 2 pairs of pants, a pair of work bermudas, and 3 skirts. The most of one item I kept was 6 sweaters other than my 2 weeks of underwear and socks. The thing that choked me the most was how many clothes I had to keep for maternity and post-partum. But oh well, I only kept the good quality ones, anything else I need I can buy.

So there is a gigantic pile of clothes on our bedroom floor.

Then I started on Eli's clothes but I'm having trouble remembering how often I had to change him in the beginning stages. Also there is premie clothes, newborn, 0-3 months and 3-6 months all for the beginning stages so I'm not sure how much of which he needed and how fast he outgrew everything and started getting too big for the typical sizing. Geez, amazing how much you can forget in only a year.

I'm also brining a bunch of things to consign to local store Angel Babies. Exciting stuff!!

I did buy Eli a new pair of Robeez today though. But here were my reasons:

1) the store had them 50% off

2) he loves his robeez and has troubles in hard soled shoes

3) he often slips in his current shoes (one pair Stonz, one pair robeez, one pair padraig) and these have textured soles rather than leather

4) they are brown with plaid black and red lumberjack type print!!!!

Ok, maybe that last one isn't a good reason, but the other 3 are!

But the best part about cleansing my wardrobe is I feel cleansed! The rest of the day I felt liberated and lighter. It's wonderful to only keep what you wear and like the look of yourself in! There were three things I really wrestled with. I did end up tossing one and we'll see about the other two. It's strange how many memories we have tied to clothes isn't it?

Another great thing about it, I now have 3 extra drawers!!! That'll help me keep the clothes I kept more organized instead of stuffing them into a drawer where I can't tell what is even in it. Also more hangers! And lastly, I've inspired my husband (and a few others by the comments on my last post) to do the same!

Tomorrow I hope to finish Eli's clothes and do our coat closet. Backpacks and scarves beware!

Less is more

I'm on another clean out and get rid of stuff kick. It's nearing a season change and that always gets me all riled up to let go of a bunch of stuff. I know I did this less than a month ago but I didn't get very far, only going through our junk closet. A friend on facebook posted an article about a woman who writes a blog about living with less. Her blog is:

www.theminimalistmom.com

Truly interesting and inspiring stuff. I mean as I said before, pretty much a change in the wind can make me want to declutter but this gave it a whole new spin. Only having what you need and use. It just got me to thinking on so many things. Do I really need two cake pans? Or even one really? How often do I bake a cake? I think I could count the number of cakes I've baked since moving out of my parents house on one hand. And even so I think most of those were baked at my parent's house. So I could just borrow a cake pan or go over there to bake a cake.

This woman went so far as to only have enough clothes as she can wear in a week. She literally has to do laundry once a week in order to have anything to wear. I find that really impressive since she has a son only about 5 months older than mine. I think I would only be able to weed it down to two weeks. Just in case.

The best part about a minimalist life is that you're not living cheaply. You are living with less at a higher quality. Buy good quality, even though it might be more expensive and then you will have to replace it less often. Wouldn't you rather have 2 beautiful, nice fitting jeans than 8 pairs that kind of fit and are sort of nice? Or one fantastic purse rather than 5 $20 purses that are ok? Quality over quantity.

She was pretty ruthless and says she can fit her wardrobe into a medium suitcase now. Impressive. She didn't keep anything that she didn't love the way she looked in. What a concept, hey? Don't keep stuff you don't like or don't use. So simple, yet how many of us actually do it? Same goes for food though right? Don't eat it unless your body can use it. So simple, yet how many of us actually think about that before taking a bite of food?

I really have some questions for this woman though. For one I would love to see her spreadsheet of what she considers necessities and basics for wardrobe. Something to go off for when I do it myself. Also how does she deal with different wardrobe genres? She is a stay at home mom with no current plans of returning to work so she doesn't have to worry about an office wear section. But she is an athlete so there is something she needs. I need yoga wear for doing and teaching yoga. I also need office wear, casual wear, I would love to have a more fun wear-out-to-dinner-with-my-husband-and-look-fabulous wear section but alas I don't, and maternity clothes and I would like to keep a section of clothes to wear after baby but before I'm back to my regular weight section. It's frustrating to keep that many types of clothing that you only wear for 3-9 (or 8 in my case) months at a time!

So my trek to a more minimalist life began with a list today. A list of everything I think I can do without. It's long. Some of it will make us money (I smell a good garage sale coming!) But it's exciting. We also went through all our paperwork tonight and cleared out pretty much our entire filing system. It felt SO good!! Plus I found a lot of things I had feared lost forever.

Another thing I did was divide Eli's current toys into three baskets. I plan on switching baskets every week so he enjoys and plays with his toys more and then every week he gets a basket of ones he hasn't seen in two weeks. I'm hoping it'll work well. His megablocks stay put though, that's a lot to move all the time. Plus my mom would miss playing with them too much.

Here's to living a higher quality life!

I used to head bang to music...

I'm vibrating. I've had such a strange day. Ups and downs, emotional highs and lows. Eli has been super cranky the past two days, I'm pretty sure tooth #5 must be on it's way... hope hope hope. On the bright side it gives me LOTS of practice at parenting from the heart and really being present in the moment. It's still very difficult.

We had a beautiful women's full moon meditation that Eli also attended. He was so good, he always is when there is meditating involved. And a friend Fateh and I both came to the conclusion that a circle full of women is the ideal play pen. Everyone commented on how calm he was and of course I beamed with pride. His spiritual name Siri Simran does mean great meditator after all.

So yeah on to my topic of the day. Eli has been banging his head against everything. Unfortunately fear took over and the negative part of my mind remembered reading something somewhere about relating autism to head banging. But I read it over and it's a rare connection and he is the complete opposite of all the other symptoms in that he loves interacting, talking, being cuddled, and can't wait to get to the next milestone. So I am definitely not worried about that.

The other reasons for head banging according to baby centre:

1) Attention

2) Comfort

3) Pain relief

4) Frustration

To me most of these seem like the same thing. He is in pain so he's frustrated and wants my attention for comfort. Their suggestions are less than helpful: keep him safe, reinforce good behaviour, give him a metronome (not sure how this helps??), give him a bedtime routine.

I just don't have any solution to what I need. What do I do when he is banging his head at the moment he is banging his head? I tried cuddles, distraction by playing with him, vibrating teether, food, milk. It was enough frustration to make me want to start banging my head. If anyone has gone through this and has suggestions feel free to post. I will try those natural teething capsules if this continues tomorrow, hopefully it won't though.

In more exciting, awesome Eli news, he now dances. As of Saturday he started bobbing away to music. He especially likes the tunes his excersaucer (now play table) sings and MC Yogi. He's been known to boogie to MJ a bit too. It's so hilarious he just starts bending his knees, bobbing his head and sticking his butt out. My heart nearly exploded with love the first time he did it. Even in these ridiculously trying days I love him unconditionally and compassionately. Still no update on height and weight. It's almost getting to a point where why bother until he's a year?

Lastly, this blog is called confessions of a new mom's first year. So in theory, it should be ending when my boy turns a year old. Which means it should be ending in exactly 23 days.

But to end the suspense of all my many, many (*cough 4) faithful followers, 2 of which are actually the same person, I have decided my blogging will not end at my son's first birthday. Rest at ease, it will continue despite the name being slightly confusing since I feel there are many more stories to tell about Eli and there will be other "first years" to document yet. I may change the description but that's ok, it's allowed. Horray for the edit button.

Why 11 month olds are kind of like dogs...

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. Trust me, everything is purely meant to be funny and/or a little satirical.

Why 11 month olds are kind of like dogs:

1. They'll eat anything off the floor.
2. They like to stand right where you want to walk.
3. If you leave food unattended for even a matter of 30 seconds, when you come back in the room it's being devoured:
4. At bath time you get as wet as they do.
5. They eat house plants.
6. When they get into something they're not supposed to (i.e. garbage, compost, or recycling) your whole house knows about it.
7. They chew on stuffed animals rather than play with them.
8. For someone so small they can manage to take up an entire queen bed while sleeping.
9. You feed them from your plate once and that's it, anything you're eating they feel they have entitlement to.

If you have any others to add, feel free to comment :) Have a great day!